Your heart, I'll carry it with me …
by dbcWinter
Summary: Bella Swan moves to Forks where she meets Edward Cullen. But this is not your typical Bella and this is not the story you know.
1. Chapter 1

Hello, Twilight fandom!

I started a Twilight reread a few days ago and this fic is the result of it!

Not sure if I'll end up writing this full time; only started it for fun. But I do hope you will like it!

Feel free to review.

love, winter.

* * *

**_Your heart, I'll carry it with me …_**

Bella Swan moves to Forks where she meets Edward Cullen. But this is not your typical Bella and this is not the story you know.

Twilight fanfiction; I own nothing.

* * *

**PROLOGUE**

I didn't think much of my move to Forks and I certainly had no idea how big its impact on my life would be.

I see life as one long, beautiful, sometimes bittersweet journey; you keep moving forward, no matter what hits you, you keep nearing that finish line, your death. You make stops, you bump into people, you scream out of joy, you sometimes get hurt. Moving from Phoenix to Forks, a little, almost god-forsaken, rainy town was just one of my detours. Really, why would I worry? I imagined it would be town like any other I had visited in my seventeen years of life - stores, hospital, school, post office; new neighbours, new classmates, new people, new friendships. If it has all that, how much can it differ from other billions of towns across the globe?

I always see glass as half full and I try to make the best out of every situation. I fitted in just fine – Charlie was just what I expected. I was a hurricane in his routine for a few days but then we got used to each other. Kids in school weren't much different from the ones I hanged out in Phoenix. Of course, on the first day I felt like a monkey in a cage; everyone kept staring into a new girl and although I don't usually enjoy the spotlight, I accepted it, knowing it would soon pass.

I have a good memory when it comes to faces and names and Forks' school was relatively small, so by the time of my first lunch at new school, I recognized the majority of kids. Mike, a boy that I could not shake off from the moment he had first introduced himself, was eager to fill the blanks, and with Jessica's help, my classmate at Spanish, he pointed at kids, telling me their names and anecdotes. He was a food, entertaining speaker and I enjoyed the light atmosphere.

Everything changed though when Jessica took a deep breath as the door of the cafeteria opened. There was probably interest in my eyes when I turned to see who was entering.

And that was the first time I saw them.

People always judge someone by their appearance and although I find this to be an incredibly unfair, irritating habit, their unusual appearance was what I noticed first about them. All five of them were just … beautiful. Not supermodel, red carpet, photoshoppingly beautiful; they surpassed that beauty. I can't really explain it; it would be unfair since I have never heard of words that would do justice to the beauty I faced. It was such a contrast to a boring, uneventful town that it was quite absurd. I wondered if I unknowingly stepped into a town where parents experiment and modify their genes in order to get breath-takingly, unearthly beautiful descendants.

They sat down at the table, not talking or looking at anyone. They had food in front of them but no one ate.

"These are the Cullens," whispered Jessica.

"Are they siblings?" I asked. The beauty was definitely something they had in common.

"They are adopted," explained Mike, "their father works at the hospital."

"They're kind of weird. They don't talk to anyone but to each other and are not really social butterflies, really," quickly added Jessica who, by the sounds of things, was the Google of forks, "and not just that they live together, they are together. Only Edward, the youngest one, is single. And no, I don't know how he manages to be that handsome and single at the same time."

I looked at Edward again, this time not only glancing. Jessica was right; he was good-looking. A few years back my knees would probably fail me and I would pass out as my body could not handle all the excitement I felt just looking at him. I had seen pretty boys before, even dated a few and somehow always gotten burned. I am proud to say that I learn from my mistakes as Edward's perfectly shaped face didn't take my sanity away.

Suddenly he looked up and our eyes collided. Those few seconds we shared weren't enough to decipher the expression on his face. It was a mixture of surprise, shock, even interest. I guessed he wondered how the hell I managed to be pale after spending more than a decade under hot Arizona's sun.

"Don't bother," Jessica continued talking, "apparently he is too pretty for any of the girls here."

She rolled her eyes and it wasn't hard to figure out that she was one of the girls he rejected. I tried to hide a smile with looking around the cafeteria and with corner of my eye I saw Edward was grinning too. Before I could wondered what amused him, Mike diverted my attention and started talking about a boy named Tyler. I guess he felt overshadowed by Edward's effect on women; not that I blamed him.

The last class of my first day was Geography. When I walked into the classroom and looked around, I realized the only empty chair was next to Edward.

Stoically I walked to him. I was probably starring in dreams of majority of girls that had seen Edward and unaffected as I was, I was probably a disgrace for them.

I sat down. He was staring through the window although I was sure he heard me come.

I dismissed it.

"Hello," I smiled. "I'm Bella, I'm new here."

I continued staring at his neck. My smile gradually faded; not that I think I'm anyone special and that people should bend down when I pass them, but this kind of ignorance surely made me frown. I had experienced first-hand how cocky the studs of high school can be, disrespectful, even, but this behaviour was in its own league.

The professor walked in. I concentrated on the lecture since it was the reason I was there; I aimed to get good grades, scholarship and live a good live, better life than I had growing up. Still, Edward's arrogance lurked in my mind.

I decided to try one last time. I turned to him and opened my mouth to say something.

"I'm listening, do you mind?" he hissed before I could speak. Still he didn't turn to me, look me in the face. And he certainly wasn't listening; he stared in the distance, covering his nose and mouth with his hand. He sat so close to the wall that one might think they were Siamese twins!

Although I had only known him for a few hours, he was catapulted onto my list of ignorant, offensive people. I guessed Jessica was right. He considered himself to be too beautiful, too important, too mighty to talk, even look at poor little average looking morons he was surrounded by.

I only shrugged.

He could think and do whatever he wanted, I truly had bigger, more important things to think and worry about.

So yes, on the day I met him, I had no idea how heavily Edward Cullen would end up affecting on my life.

* * *

To Be Continued.

Broughttoyouby:::winter.


	2. Chapter 2

Thanks to all of you who are reading! I hope you like it!

Feel free to review,

love, w.

* * *

**_Your heart, I'll carry it with me …_**

Bella Swan moves to Forks where she meets Edward Cullen. But this is not your typical Bella and this is not the story you know.

Twilight fanfiction; I own nothing.

* * *

**CHAPTER ONE**

I didn't see Edward for almost a week afterwards. He seemed to have dropped off the face if Earth what, according to Jessica's precise observations, was pretty habitual for him. Coincidently these were also the days when sunrays finally broke through thick clouds and it made me feel closer to home.

I was thrown back into reality when rainy season came back from its short holiday. I once again had to grab my umbrella and I only sighed when I saw Edward sitting at our desk again.

This time he was looking at the door, apparently waiting for me. He smiled at me when I sat down.

"Hello," he said. His voice was warm, pleasant and sounded like a song. If indeed he was a result of genetic experimenting, then I wanted it too.

"I'm Edward Cullen. I am sorry I didn't get to introduce myself the other day."

I tried to control myself but I couldn't help not to stare at him in disbelief. I would probably found the situation to hilarious it was happening to anyone but me.

"You didn't get to … I'm sorry but what planet are you living on? Coz on mine you can't just shut people down and then be all nice and cosy when you feel like it."

I expected him to frown, turned around again and ignore me for the rest of our earthly time but to my surprise he smiled.

"You feel like I shut you down?"

I could use about a dozen other expressions."

"Ok, I'm glad."

I didn't care how impolite it was but I just shook my head and tried to ignore him. I know you should never wish bad things but I really wanted him to go on one of his crusades again and never came back, preferably. What an ignorant, self-loving jerk this boy was! I guess some people just enjoy this sick mind games.

Although the professor walked in and started his lecture, Edward didn't move an inch. He continued staring at me; his smile might have faded but his expression was collected; I felt like I was an experiment and he was a peculiar scientist studying me. It was so incredibly annoying; it was like he was playing with strings of my nerves.

I hate when people haze at me. It might be my vivid imagination but I really can't see any reason for it, at least mentally healthy one. I feel like when somebody stares, there's an ocean of drool in their mouth and a dagger hidden in their hand. On the walls of their petty den they are putting on photos of me by the first lamppost, photos of me walking by the third lamppost, and the biggest catch is a photo of me with an ice cream. On the night stand there's a photograph, an Olympic champion in Photoshop; me with a Julia Roberts smile and they, a Ted Bundy of modern era. They know they would never get me; like an unreachable goddess I got to be just that – out of earth life. And then one day, a doorbell rings and I open, sign to confirm that I received the delivery and my eyes are like glass, empty, cold and dead before I hit the ground.

I blinked to concentrate but Edward demolished my every attempt.

I turned to him again, hoping he was notice how annoying I found him to be.

"Anything else?"

"I was just…"

His eyes were kind, genuine, playful. Of course there was no doubt why every girl in school wanted to accompany him on his journey through life.

Every girl but me, that is. I am over the phase when I cared about the façade. I am already furnishing my living room now.

"Then stop, please. I'm listening."

"You are … I have never met anyone like you before …" he sighed and I wondered if Drama Club ever thought of recruiting him. He was a real life Romeo.

"What, anyone else kisses the ground you're walking on?" I said with raised eyebrows.

"No," he said in dreamy voice. I could almost picture myself lying on a meadow, listening to a stream nearby. That how poetic his voice was. "You're just … different."

Oh, he was a master of this game! I could rationalize why he was the vastest idiot I had ever met yet I could not help being a fly in his nest. Like a poisonous fume he crept under my skin and I could not deny that there was something about him.

"I'll take it as a compliment."

"It was meant to be one," he smiled and I had to look away. His eyes were an ocean I could get lost in. "But … you really should not spend time with me, Bella ..."

Indeed he drew you in, chew you out of interest and then spat you out when you gave in.

"What kind of psychopathic narcissist are you? You are the one who started talking!"

When his expression didn't become upset or angry, it should have been the final a-ha moment for me that he wasn't normal.

When he spoke again, his voice was almost regretful.

"Just because I'm intrigued doesn't mean I'm also good."

This time it was me who sat at the edge of the chair, as far away from the other as possible. I sighed with relief when the ring finally announced the end of the lesson. I sprinted out of the classroom despite athletically speaking, I am way below average.

Mike caught up with me.

"Was Cullen giving you hard time?" he asked sympathetically, although there was a badly hidden joy in his voice.

"Mildly speaking," I sighed, "what's up with him?"

"World's mystery," he shrugged, "He's just different, weird."

I felt someone's eyes on the back of my neck. I looked over my shoulder and saw Edward leaning on the wall, looking at me with stoic expression. I don't think it was just light that made you wonder if he was not the inspiration for Greek gods. As if he was sculpture of marble, made thousands of years ago that looked better and more perfect with each year that passed. He looked just … parfait!

He was burnt into my mind; his pale, smooth skin; his dreamy, seducing eyes; his warm, charming smile. I wish I could say I was over it the moment I looked away.

* * *

To Be Continued.

Broughttoyouby:::winter.


	3. Chapter 3

Hi,

Just a shoutout to those of you who read this! I am happy that you like it! ;)

Feel free to review!

love, w.

* * *

**_Your heart, I'll carry it with me …_**

Bella Swan moves to Forks where she meets Edward Cullen. But this is not your typical Bella and this is not the story you know.

Twilight fanfiction; I own nothing.

* * *

**CHAPTER TWO**

High school years are carefree; you might not realize it then but you certainly have to admit it to yourself once you step into real world.

As kids the majority of our worries does not come from grades or our future but … dances. It seems dances are happening all the time, no matter how small the occasion. Yet no matter how many you attend, you will never get used to them. You will still be a nervous wreck days prior.

Because, you see, going to a dance means not only having fitting dress, expensive shoes, professional hairstyle; most of all it means arriving with the hottest boy in school.

I am not the most sociable person on the planet since having people around often means sacrificing yourself for the common good, but even my icily focused heart began melting when the posters began hanging pretty much everywhere. Having never been the healthiest person I too got infected with this dance fever and I was appalled by my enthusiasm. I eagerly commented on Lauren's and Jessica's dresses as if I was some fashion guru. I just rationalized it to myself that even I need some cheering up in this constantly wet weather.

Yet I never really considered attending the dance myself until Mike asked me to go with him.

Before Geography started, I was once again trapped in ice age. Edward and I weren't talking; who knew what his reasons were, I just I just could not stand his riddles. Indeed I might be a bit sensitive when it comes to extreme cold since I did spend almost two decades in the middle of a desert, but I am stubborn and my (sometimes too) will can get me through pretty much everything.

It might not have been very mature of me but I ignored him and stared into the textbook when Mike suddenly sat on the desk and greeted me with his typically wide smile.

"Hi, Bella," he said.

It was an invasion of my private space so surely I wasn't the warmest host.

"Hello, Mike," I tried to smile while wondering what I had committed to deserve this offense.

"Oh, nothing much just … listen … that dance next week …"

I should have probably seen it coming but I only raised my eyebrows.

"Yes?" I encouraged him. I heard Edward giggling next to me but since for me he didn't exist I dismissed it.

"You don't happen someone accompanying you already, do you?" he finally let it out.

Given my age and gender and should have probably started jumping up and down, praising the lord for invitation but I have somehow of a peculiar nature I did none of that.

"No," I said, "not really. I … I wasn't actually planning to go …"

"Well, if I invite you, will you change your mind?"

I still had the dress from recent Phoenix dance. I know three's a rule about wearing the same outfit twice but since no one had seen me in it yet, I saw no harm in breaking it.

"It's gonna be fun," he tried to convince me after I hesitated, "crappy decorations, trite music, me making a fool out of myself while dancing …"

I laughed. Mike was certainly a very sweet boy any girl would love to be around. And heck, it was just a dance anyway; I had to take a break from books eventually.

"Fine, I'll go," I said.

"Really?" Just when you thought his smiling muscles already reached their limit. I thought his eyes were going to pop out.

"Yeah, why not!"

"Cool!"

Whoever his dentist was, he surely did an incredible job, judging from all the teeth Mike was showing while smiling. I watched him hopping back to his desk.

As I looked back, Edward was smiling at me. His smile was just so … captivating that ramparts almost failed me.

"What?" I rolled my eyes.

"You are not truly going to a dance with Mike Newton, are you?" he tittered.

"What's so funny about that?"

"He is just so …"

"Kind?" I suggested.

"No …"

"Polite?"

"More like … boring. Annoying. Extremely predictable."

I shook my head in disbelief.

"Well, Edward, if you have such a big problem with me going to a dance with Mike, then you should've asked me when I was still available!"

"I don't go to dances," he said gloomily.

"In that case I don't really see what gives you the right to trash those who do go!"

"Don't say I didn't warn you … Mike's intentions are not completely decent …"

"And you say this because you are a guy and guys know guys?"

He was so predictable. He made up this game of chess where I am a damsel in distress and he my Prince Charming, riding on a white horse to relieve me of my stress. In his twisted fantasy Mike was probably an affected traveller, trying to steal my father's fortune. Yet just before the confetti would start falling on my long white dress, he would disappear and somewhere in the distance his laughter would echo. Checkmate.

"No, I'm telling you as an objective observer."

"And my emotions swept me off my feet, impairing my judgement?!"

"He just asked you out to a dance; you are not expected to be objective."

"Then tell me, Mr I see things that aren't actually there/ I probably make them up since I wanna be the centre of attention, how do you know that my intentions aren't indecent?" I said with raised eyebrows.

He didn't respond. He only bit his lower lip and his look lost its playfulness. He looked hurt and I cursed in my mind. His look focused on something on the other side of the window and I tried to focus on lecture but I could not shake a bad feeling, guilt.

I never like to be rude but when Edward's around, it is kind of hard to resist. I can tell myself I am right since he is no different, yet at the same time, I do feel kind of bad. No matter how affected I am, in my core I am still a girl. And I would love nothing more than to go to a dance with this incarnation of physical perfection. Who cares if it's only his façade that's breath taking? He might be rotten in his soul but isn't it the appearance what is in nowadays? We judge with eyes, not with mind, yet alone our hearts. As long as it attracts us, it will end up in our shopping trolley although its additives might end up killing us in the end.

* * *

To Be Continued.

Broughttoyouby:::winter.


	4. Chapter 4

Thanks everyone for reading! I guess that means this is not a complete disaster! ;)

Looking forward to reading your thoughts,

love, w.

* * *

**_Your heart, I'll carry it with me …_**

Bella Swan moves to Forks where she meets Edward Cullen. But this is not your typical Bella and this is not the story you know.

Twilight fanfiction; I own nothing.

* * *

**CHAPTER THREE**

The long blue dress still fitted me perfectly. I wasn't so sure about the shoes, though. Apparently the humidity in the air made them shrink; I was quite convinced they would give me blisters before the dance would end. So I threw some plasters into the first-aid kit my purse had turned into, for just in case.

I ran downstairs when I saw Mike's car stopping in front of the house. Charlie appeared from the living room, with gloomy expression. He looked at me from head to toe, probably wondering where his shotgun was. I decided to understand his wish to shoot off my suitors as a compliment for my cooking.

"Have fun, Bella," he said, sounding like he would much rather lock me in my room and never let me out.

"I won't be late, dad," I smiled and kissed him on the cheek. Then I ran towards the door, opening them before Mike could knock.

From the expression that appeared on his face, I doubted he was in a state to drive anywhere. His eyes widened and threatened to pop out.

"Hello, Mike," I greeted him.

"Hi … Bella … you look … nice," he managed.

"Thanks!"

I thought about returning the compliment but didn't want to cause any more pressure in his head.

I am not really gifted when it comes to sports but when I'm in my happy state and bubbly, I am capable of remarkably fast moving. I reached the car way before Mike so I waited for him to catch up and open my door.

We didn't talk much during the drive to school; he was trying to focus and not crash into anything. Maybe I'm mean but I did find it charming.

He was right about the decorations – they were crappy, but the music was quite nice. Some local band was playing. And whoever took care of the catering did the phenomenal job. If the dress wasn't so tight, I would probably spend the whole evening by the tables with trays on.

Mike too finally got over me wearing a dress and was back to his usual self. We danced, we laughed, we talked and the evening was going exceptionally well until …

I saw glasses falling to the floor, breaking and juice splashing everywhere. I heard people – ok, girls, mostly, taking a deep breath. Couples on the dance floor forgot the steps. Mike suddenly became all pale. Heck, even the main singer, a pretty brunette, looked like she was about to pass out!

I looked over my shoulder and saw the Cullens walking in. Girls, Alice and Rosalie, looked fabulous in their dresses and despite having a normal self-esteem, I felt like the ugliest girl in the world. Emmett and Jasper too looked like they jumped out of a fashion magazine.

Edward was … Edward. I guess it didn't matter what he was wearing, he would be divine in everything. Every girl in the room had her eyes glued in him while I tried to pretend I didn't exist. Sadly, he apparently had eyes of a hawk – like a born predator he saw me and stared. And stared.

"What is he doing here?!" whined Mike.

It was driving me insane. It looked like I was the only girl he saw and it was so embarrassing as if I was completely nude.

His brothers and sisters started dancing (and, clearly, overshadowed everyone else) while his eyes didn't move off me. My evening was ruined.

"Just a sec," I smiled at Mike, trying sound stoically, but irritation was obvious. I don't know what kind of complexes men can have, but from his expression in that moment it looked like he had every single one imaginable.

Edward sat down by one of the tables, as if he was that black sheep, the geeky classmate no one ever wanted to dance with. It was insulting from his part; I knew about 99% of girls would chop their legs off to dance with him.

I walked up to him with determined steps and didn't care how angry I looked.

His playful, lively eyes smiled when I stopped in front of him. Although the light was dim, his eyes were shinning.

"Hello, Bella," he said.

"What are you doing here?"

"I came to a dance."

"You never go to dances, remember?"

"I felt like dancing this time," he shrugged and got up. If he was an apple and I was Eve, I too would be on the next train to hell. "You look beautiful tonight, Bella. Would you like to dance with me?"

He most certainly had a nerve, I had to admit.

"Are you amnestic? You were there when I agreed to go with Mike."

"So that's a no?"

"You are absurd," I crossed arms on my chest.

"You are going to just walk away, leaving me lonely?"

"Look around. Girls are lining up. I'm sure you will not be lonely tonight."

And I walked away. I knew the girls were astounded – Edward Cullen, the most yummy, the most angelic, the most handsome, the most to die for guy in the Forks and I turned him down. But I doubt I was the crazy chick in their minds for long though – the 'Dance with Edward Cullen' mission should have started weeks ago already.

Mike looked like he was about to pass out as I took his hand and smiled.

"Cullen asked you for a dance?" he said in a suspiciously high voice.

"Yes, he did. And I said no."

"Ok."

Truth was, I been there, done that, danced with the most popular boy in school. It ended in heart break and I was still not sure whether all stitches were in their right place already. It hurt like hell and of course and wanted to be the girl Edward was dancing with!

But once you slip on ice, you'll walk more carefully when winter comes. If you buy bad yoghurt, you'll choose it more carefully the next time. If you happen to beat the statistics and end up on a doomed plane and barely survive, you will most likely choose train.

It's self-preservation. It's not only the cherry that's delicious when it comes to cakes. Sometimes average is better. Mike was not super pretty yet he was special. In the long run I wanted to be happy. I didn't give up on fairy-tale – I rewrote it.

"You chose me over Cullen?"

Apparently I had future as a psychologist. His complexes disappeared into thin air.

I do wish I was as successful when it came to Edward. I admired the courage of those few girls who walked to him and asked him to dance. I doubt any of them got to finish the question – he dismissed them all. He just stared, stared at me.

I heard of this Chinese torture technique where they slowly pour water onto your forehead, a drop after drop. It is said to be an excellent way of making someone a fruitcake. Well, as long as Edward Cullen does it, staring is just as effective.

Mike didn't deserve it. He was the one who had the courage to ask me to come yet my mind, my attention and my focus belonged to Edward. I tried to hide my irritation but unfortunately it hit Mike. It made me feel even worse.

So I did what every girl does from time to time - cramps are nothing but a pain, however, on those few occasions they do prove to be quite useful. I excused myself and went to the ladies' room to cool off.

Of course, when rain comes to Forks, it usually stays for a painfully king time.

Rosalie and Alice were putting on makeup (not that they needed it). As they looked at me, they were like Jing and Jang, bad cop good cop. Rosalie smiled at me sympathetically while Alice just stared blankly. I wished they were expressing their opinion of my fashion choice but I knew better. I guess Females United only applies when none of the girls is related to a guy.

What was with this family and their love for staring? It was freaking me out! My hands were shaking and I would most likely look like an alien if I touched mascara and lipstick, so I just left them in my purse. I smiled at the sisters and ran out.

I staggered back to our table; Jessica was talking about a great movie that was showing in cinemas. There were still hours left till our curfew and I could not bear another minute in the room with Edward. Luckily nobody opposed when I suggested we went see it.

Still, I came home remarkably early. Charlie was in the living room, watching repeat of some old baseball game. He was shocked when I walked in – I don't think it was because the guy on screen missed the ball.

"I didn't expect you to be back already."

"I have a test next week," I shrugged.

"Did you have a good time?"

"Yeah, it was nice."

As I undressed, I threw the dress on the bottom of the closet – I wore it twice and it brought bad luck both times. I decided to donate it to charity – if Forks had one, of course.

Indeed I got blisters and when I showered, it felt like I was on fire. When I went to bed that night, my feet were killing me. Yet the evening wasn't disastrous enough – that night I dreamt of Edward Cullen for the first time.

* * *

To Be Continued.

Broughttoyouby:::winter.


	5. Chapter 5

Thanks for all your follows and reviews! :) I am happy that you like it and I will do my best not to disappoint you!

I hope you enjoy this,

as always, feel free to review!

love, w.

* * *

**_Your heart, I'll carry it with me …_**

Bella Swan moves to Forks where she meets Edward Cullen. But this is not your typical Bella and this is not the story you know.

Twilight fanfiction; I own nothing.

* * *

**CHAPTER FOUR**

That Tuesday after my failed dance we had trigonometry test. As I looked around the class, I seriously questioned professor's sense. No one seemed particularly interested or knowledgeable. The dance was still the priority in their minds. Dresses, hairstyles, the hot band singer, Tyler's drunk dancing on the tables, the after party – who would even want to think of triangles?!

Although Edward continued to haunt me in my dreams and on school corridors, I didn't find the test to be difficult as everyone was saying. Still, the next day, when we got the results back, I almost fell off my chair when I saw 97% written in the upper left corner of the test.

I don't think I mentioned it already but just before the dance, schedules got mixed up somehow and Edward ended up in my Maths group. Luckily I didn't have to sit anywhere near him but I still noticed professor's gloomy expression when she passed him his test.

My aunt in Arizona was never really supportive of my efforts in school; she tried to convince me that grades were nowhere near as important as I thought. She dropped out of high school in 10th grade, never went to college but, being a talented hairdresser (and marrying an older rich crook, may I add), she opened her hairdressing salon. She was well-heeled, living a better life than many college graduates as she often stated with pride.

I always dismissed her, thinking she was just jealous of my intellectual abilities but when professor turned to me and asked me if I could possibly help Edward with maths, I for the very first time wished I worshipped my aunt and did what she suggested.

Of course I could decline - I don't really know why I didn't. My grade might have caused some humane happy state and make me forget that I actually h.a.t.e.d. Edward Cullen. I found myself nodding before I even thought everything through.

I'm not entirely sure what awoke my senses but it felt like someone splashed a bucket of icy water into my face. Edward Cullen ruined my dance; he made me hate a dress that cost quite a fortune and throw away the perfectly nice shoes; I started detesting Geography, my former favourite subject just because I had to sit next to him; now apparently I was about to waste my precious free time teaching him maths!

If Charles Manson stood in front of me with a knife in his hand, singing Helter Skelter, I wouldn't be as horrified!

The only thing that stopped me from throwing up was praying I was going to get some extra credits for it.

* * *

I am that kind of person who prefers to avoid facing with the situations; I much rather get lost in illusions, hoping someone would get Harry's magic wand and make them go away.

I was pleasantly surprised by myself when during lunch I walked straight to Cullens' table to arrange the time of place of the dreaded tutoring.

With every step I made I felt like I was nearing hell; as if the family was living in some other sphere, hostile to anyone who accidently wandered near. If anything, they hated me and Edward studying together as much as I did.

Emmett terrified me. He was just so big and so muscular; only one swing of his hand would probably be enough to send me to central Africa. Jasper looked like a puma, ready to jump at me any second. I instinctively rubbed my neck.

Girls were surprisingly stoic.

I still managed to smile when Edward looked at me.

"So would library after school be ok with you?" I sounded surprisingly normal.

"Sure," he shrugged. He quickly glanced at the pizza in front of him, discreetly telling me I was interrupting. I was going to Forks high for a month already and I never saw him eat.

I nodded, expecting some sort of a thank you but got none. It wasn't Edward's fault of course; today's society is never grateful for anything. We just take it for granted, long live individualism!

I suck at PE on any given day but when I'm upset, it is even worse. This day I was … a disaster. We were playing something with ball and either I missed it or handed it to a member of the opposite team. Of course, there is no PE without getting hit in a head; at least I could leave to the locker room fifteen minutes earlier.

Entire way to the library I hoped he forgot or simply didn't care but – my head started even more when I saw him. It is funny how quickly you can fall from a peak to a complete utter bottom. If there was a small, cute puppy nearby, I would doubtlessly start crying.

"Alright, let's begin!" I faked a smile as I sit down next to him. "What troubles you?"

I really thought his maths failure would make him more bearable. Screw optimism; I should start looking at the glass as half empty.

"As far as maths is concerned or generally speaking?" he grinned.

"Could you please not be a smart ass today?" I sighed. It sounded as if I was pleading.

"Bad day?" he asked and partly closed his eyes. He was staring at my forehead. I guessed I was getting a bump.

"Basketball?" he asked sympathetically.

"Handball," I groaned.

Then he did something I would surely him for if it didn't feel soooooooo goooooood … he leant toward me and his fingers gently, very gently, I could barely feel them, touched the bump. Of course I almost jumped back but it brought such comfort I just let out the deepest sigh.

His fingers were better than any cold compresses. I didn't realize until that moment just how my temperature had risen in PE class. Surely, nerves had something to do with that but PE is crime against humanity so I will continue to blame everything on it.

I was sad when he moved back. When I realized it, I got this sudden urge to hit myself on the bump again and hit and hit till I came back to my senses. I let this guy, of all guys touch me?

I was such a disgrace.

Or not; maybe I had a concussion. I would certainly prefer it.

"So this trigonometry thing … I certainly hope you know how to explain it better than writers of the text book … I am quite good at reading but I don't understand a single thing …"

I should just kill myself right there, on the spot. Instead of thinking of all the reasons why I hated his guts, I laughed at his jokes and I even wasn't terrified at the mistakes he was making – I didn't even wonder how he managed to spend so many years in high school with no knowledge of fractions at all!

Not just that; I even agreed when he offered to walk back to my house with me! Thank god he didn't offer to carry my books; insane as I was I would probably ask him to marry me!

Days were getting shorter and streets were already dark. Not that I was afraid, though. I felt wickedly safe when I was with Edward. He was just so tall, so beautiful; he could melt anyone with his honey-like eyes. I could just picture how a petty thief who would jump in front of us wanting my new wallet would turn into a puddle of sugar. I would go to a war zone with Edward; I would be just as safe as if I was locked in a safety deposit box of city's jewellery store.

He was walking very close to me. I don't know what he was feeling but my body sensors certainly didn't detect the sudden temperature drop comparing to the morning. If someone told me I stood in the middle of Sahara desert, I would believe them.

Our elbows accidently touched. For the first time in my life I wished I wasn't so pale; I had no chance of hiding the embarrassing shade of red that spread across my cheeks.

I almost passed out when he took my hand. I was really close to being the next ER patient with heart problems.

"Look," he said in his poetic, melodic, just … perfect voice. If his voice wasn't enough, he pointed into the air with his … let's just say hand, shall we? "It's snowing!"

Clumsy as I am I should let out a dreaded scream; icy roads and snow fights could not mean anything good for my existence. But since I reached a happy state, comparingly carefree as the one after three joints, I just smiled. It looked so pretty, snow falling down in the light of lamppost, on us.

"It just got colder …" Will I go to hell for lying? Despite living in Phoenix for 17 years, I never experienced this kind of extreme heat.

As if I was under a spell I stared into one of the snowflakes falling from the sky. I wanted to spread my arms, lean backwards and close my eyes, waiting for the kiss of winter to hit me. I most likely would do that, since I did have an excuse – snow wasn't something I was used to. Of course I knew how it looked – god bless whoever invented TV! – but feeling it on your skin was inconceivable.

Edward Cullen's arms embraced me and brought back the heat. Sadly he moved back again before I could fully comprehend. Voila, I opened my eyes and his jacket was on my shoulders. "No, Edward," I shook my head and started taking it off despite its delicious smell, "I can't let you…"

"I'll be fine," he dismissed me and smiled. There was a music coming from a nearby bar. We were standing so close. I remembered the dance we missed. I wanted to ask him if we could make up for the last time. I guess I still was partly sane; I kept my mouth shut.

I blinked as his hands slid into his pockets. The poor guy was freezing while I was on fire. Selfish me didn't want to give back the source of that delightful smell.

Producers of our love story were throwing more and more snow on us. Someone used superglue on me. I was like Eskimos and alcohol – my desire was the culprit and I lost my senses. I could have easily frozen, still believing I was in the Caribbean.

"We reached your house," he whispered, stopped and smiled. There was really my house in front of us. Just house. My heart had just found another home.

It was too good to be true, the snow, he. It must have been a nightmare. Just that for a change I was going to live. I would wake up screaming, upset it was not real. I would grab for pills, swallow the whole bottle, hoping I would go back, change the ending so that he would not start walking away.

His hand took off and landed on my cheek – it was such a perfect landing, please, everyone stand out and congratulate the Captain! I could barely feel him, the seeker who looked for gold on my left cheek. I always knew it was my best profile.

But apparently he didn't find the desired gold. Once again his eyes had a rendezvous with mine – they weren't black as I remembered them from the day we met; they were almost golden, like honey. There was no smile or, god forbid, a goodbye kiss. He simply walked away. His steps looked heavy, I don't know, it was probably the cold. Or was it that he too did not want us to separate ever again?

As he was disappearing in snow, there was just one thing I was sure of.

I was in a big, big trouble.

* * *

To Be Continued.

Broughttoyouby:::winter.


	6. Chapter 6

Hi, everyone!

Thanks for reading! And thanks to all of you who favorited this! I truly appreciate it! :)

Please review!

Enjoy, w.

* * *

**_Your heart, I'll carry it with me …_**

Bella Swan moves to Forks where she meets Edward Cullen. But this is not your typical Bella and this is not the story you know.

Twilight fanfiction; I own nothing.

* * *

**CHAPTER FIVE**

The next morning I woke up with a terrible headache. I was sure it was a consequence of the concussion I had suffered in PE class and it explained so much, so perfectly! Having a blood clot somewhere in my brain was definitely better than being head over heels in love with Edward Cullen.

I felt so emotional when I looked through the window and saw snow, snow everywhere; I don't know what freaked me out more – staring into accident waiting to happen or the mania I was in. I should certainly be worried more, way more than I was. After a long shower and medication, the headache gradually faded; I felt competent enough to go to school.

I almost regretted it when I stood at my locker and he silently appeared behind me. There must be something seriously wrong with me; I didn't hear or detect him till he leant very, very close to my ear. I hoped it was fear that made me almost touch the ceiling with my head.

"I was studying maths last night and I understood a lot," he whispered.

"And your idea of thanking me is scaring the hell out me?" I said when I started breathing again.

"I am sorry," he smiled.

I turned to him. Hooray, the medication was working! I was completely numb. Not only that I didn't feel the pain anymore; even looking at Edward, this indescribably beautiful man didn't trigger any emotions. Was I only dreaming about yesterday? Didn't I go all gaga over him? I certainly wished I hadn't.

I maybe indeed was over him but he was still in the running. He was looking at me with lust spelled all over his face. He was certainly standing too close to me; no student should ever be so close to their master. Poor guy, maybe they never taught him how to say thank you! He might now think his physical beauty, his luring eyes are better that a spoken thank you! Well, they are but come on, a bit of politeness, please?!

"What are you thinking right now?" he asked.

My mind was floating somewhere between how effective the pills I had taken were, how late I was for Spanish class and how proud I was for not getting psychotic now, when he was almost touching me.

"What do you think?" I shrugged.

"Honestly, this time I have no idea …"

"I'm really late for class …" I said.

"Oh, I'm sorry," he swiftly moved back with an expression of regret. It was cute; could he really be so naively unaware that everyone would love nothing more than to be a truant with him by their side? He must fake it, this innocent mask! No one this pretty could possibly not be aware of their appearance. Just like those people in singing competitions when they start sobbing after being told they are awesome. I know I such at sports but I excel at English. Everyone knows what they're good at; 98% of people even brag. I wish everyone would just stop affecting modesty and admit the truth. Ain't like it is entirely their fault that they're this awesome! Genes are yours; there are your legal heritance.

"Before I forget, Bella … don't wait for me in the library today. I am going away for a few days with Emmett …"

"Oh, sure, have fun," I nodded and was about to walk away. I was really, really late. "Just… the coat you lent me … I am so sorry, I totally forgot about it this morning …"

"I'll just drop by your house one afternoon and take it," he shrugged.

Well, that was certainly not the response I wanted to hear. I was crazy enough yesterday to want to marry the guy but the thought of him being inside my house shocked me. I don't know why, really. I had had friends visiting all the time in Phoenix. It was just that … Edward Cullen was not exactly a friend. I had no idea what he was and this was probably what made me oppose the idea.

But something told me that if he were a textbook helping me to get that damn scholarship I wanted I would probably not only let him come to my house but pampered him till the end of his days.

I spent the whole Spanish contemplating whether I should just sit on a plane and fly back to Phoenix. Maybe I really had an ex-boyfriend there but at the moment he was not by far as distracting as Edward. These new issues I had were certainly making me very forgiving towards the boy who had broken my heart.

After Spanish class … well, let's just say things started looking up. It was almost as if a wind came and blew away all the dark clouds that were having tea party above my head. Literally, after a remarkably successful hour of PE (nothing hit me! Nothing hit me! This day should be a national holiday!) the sun began shining again, for the first time in weeks! The winter was so much more beautiful than I had ever imagined. Even HD TV cannot do it justice. Yes, temperatures were freezing and I bet Charlie was very concerned about this month's bill for heating but I had time of my life!

I didn't see Edward for days. I heard the whole Cullen family went on a ski trip somewhere in central US. Even better, dreams of Edward subsided and I was back to dreaming about school, holiday and my mum! I managed to focus on school, write an outstanding essay about Wuthering Heights and I even fell in love with triangles and functions and god knows what else. Geography … ah, geography was just perfection! I was such a nerd that I am surprised I didn't end up locked in my own locker.

Every free moment I had I spent running around in snow, laughing and enjoying as if I was a mad woman. I built a snow man for the first time and even won a snowball fight – with Mike's help, but anyway. I hoped and prayed winter would never go away.

Sadly, the Anticyclone soon passed. The sky got dark again and the temperatures risen, meaning snow began melting and I got to know slush. Not something I missed in Phoenix.

One day, after school, I put my shoes and socks on the radiator. Everything was wet although the shoes were supposed to be water proof. I don't know who I was expecting to see when a doorbell rang but when I opened the door, I was genuinely surprised to see Edward standing on the porch. The sun totally made me forget not only about him, but also about his coat hanging in my closet.

* * *

To Be Continued.

Broughttoyouby:::winter.


	7. Chapter 7

Alright guys, here's the next chapter, I hope it won't disappoint! ;)

To those of you asking, check my profile page for more info about my other stories.

As always, thanks for reading and please, please comment!

Much love, W.

* * *

**_Your heart, I'll carry it with me …_**

Bella Swan moves to Forks where she meets Edward Cullen. But this is not your typical Bella and this is not the story you know.

Twilight fanfiction; I own nothing.

* * *

**CHAPTER SIX**

Freezing temperatures apparently disabled part of my brain, the centre for recognition, to be more exact. As I saw Edward on the porch, I didn't think of what the hell he was doing there, nor I wondered how on earth it was possible for a human to look so beautiful and I surely wasn't thinking of inviting him in. My mind was blank; not only that I had completely forgotten of his existence, I also lost good manners.

"Hello, Bella," he smiled at me with that smile that would make Mount Everest kneel. Maybe I really do suck at volleyball, basketball and anything else that includes a stupid ball, but I might just become an Olympic winner in weightlifting. I was apparently strong enough, since his smile had no effect on me.

"Just a second," I mumbled and closed the door. I leant on it and caught my breath that had also mysteriously disappeared.

Edward was there, I somehow managed to comprehend. He probably came to get his coat back; that wasn't the problem; dreadful memories of the evening when I got that coat sucked the sunshine out of me and I was once again standing the rain without an umbrella. But miraculously, all those emotions didn't come pouring onto me! It probably really had been only a concussion; I was perfectly sane this time! So sane I could just break the world record for Rubik's cube had I known how! Shame there was no polka playing anywhere near; I was so happy I wanted to dance!

I took a deep breath and I was ready.

I opened the door again.

"Sorry about that," I said. In a moment I became the best host this town had ever seen. Think Stepford Wife, I could even bake a pie!

"I am sorry to come so unexpectedly," he apologized. "I came to get my coat back."

"I figured you were," I nodded. "I'll…"

"And ... not just that … I was wondering … would you have some time for … maths?"

Maybe I was fine but the situation had to be re-evaluated. He was not only there but wanted to come in. I know my hatred for him still allowed me to talk to him, even help him when extra credits were involved but letting him inside my house? Hmmm ... I didn't think mixing personal life with the work one was a good idea.

"I gotta …"

"Oh, I understand …"

But he did give me the coat the other night to stop cold from killing me. Edward just might be a reason I wasn't lying in hospital bed, coughing pneumonia out of my lungs.

That was the ONLY reason why I ended up inviting him in, I swear.

I sent him to the living room with textbook while I opened the fridge and wondered what to cook. Not that the fridge was empty; it was my mind that was slightly impaired. Ah, I was a human version of food processor; you threw the dozens errands and I'd take care of all of them. There might be a mess but a very delicious mess.

I guessed Charlie would pay the price of Edward's unexpected visit. Skipping lunch would do any harm to me, of course. Which girl doesn't dream of slim figure, after all?

I just started chopping some vegetables when Edward walked in.

"You done already?" I frowned. I thought I gave him enough examples to solve that would keep him occupied till the next Christmas Eve.

"Does giving up counts" he whined. "I … Nice pictures you're got hanging on the wall."

You see, this is what you get for being kind. Someone sees the embarrassing pictures of your childhood and you are never the same again. Thank god Edward was not a social butterfly in school. I knew I should have thrown those pictures into the box and lock it in the basement. Charlie didn't need any reminders of how I looked anymore; I was there in flesh and blood.

I let out something that even I didn't understand. Don't think it was a word found in Merriam Webster.

"You broke your leg as a child?"

The way he asked me … as if he was truly interested. It reminded me of old people from the neighbourhood where I had lived in Phoenix. All they did was sit on their porches all day, telling everyone who happened to walk by, mailman, social services woman, me selling cooking for fundraising, of how their hips hurt and their knees were forecasting the heat wave again.

Apparently this world had become so gloomy even teenagers have nothing else to talk about than health! Or especially, its none-existence.

"Yeah … ballet in its worst form."

"You were learning ballet?"

Solely the thought was hilarious to me; I don't know why he too didn't find it so excruciatingly funny. Did Ashton Kutcher start Punk'd for everyday people? This guy couldn't be serious!

"I don't understand it any more than you do, trust me."

"Why did you quit?"

"Seriously? Having a cast for three months is not enough of a reason?"

"What happened?"

"I fell off stage."

"How long did you dance?"

"Look, Edward, I know Maths is not fun but…"

"No, I really want to know."

"Trust me, you don't!" I laughed.

It shut him up but sadly not for long.

"So why did you leave Phoenix?"

"Is this some sort of an interrogation? I thought I was helping you with maths not … with whatever you're doing?"

Please applaud to this incredible magician! I don't know how he did it but his eyes somehow enchanted me and made me tell. No, it wasn't the eyes; it was his smell, this incredible fragrance!

"My mom remarried – and no, it is not what you think it is. I like Phil just fine … it's just that … he travels a lot and my mom got torn between us. She always felt bad about leaving me alone so I came here to relieve her of that. Plus … I really need to focus on school if I want to get scholarship for college … and concentration can be quite difficult when there's a neurotic woman running around you …"

Of course I didn't tell him about Dave. Really, there was nothing to tell. Dave was my ex, basically an ancient history … and I did leave because of me, not because of him … never seeing him again was just another great aspect of my decision.

I don't know what was so fascinating about me peeling the potato but it must have been something. Edward's look was locked on me. Cooking, like any physical activity, really, is not something I master unconditionally. Being stared at just adds the pressure and I knew it would not end well.

"What are you making?"

"Just … oh, I'm such a bitch. I haven't offered you anything to drink."

"Oh, no, I'm fine, thank you, don't bother!" he quickly exclaimed.

"No, no, I insist …"

There was some Coke in the fridge so soured him a glass of that. I took an advantage of this epiphany so I ran upstairs to get Edward's coat, hoping it would make him leave before I would cut off my arm. His glass was half empty when I got back. Not just that; he had even gone to the living room to retrieve the maths book. Now he was staring in it.

Well, the dim spotlight was better than nothing.

"Bella … if you could pick three things to experience in life, what would you choose?"

"I don't remember telling you to answer that question in the book …"

"I would like to visit Tuscany in summer. I would like to have a traditional Greek lunch. And I would like to dream once. My sleep is always so deep, I never dream."

"Well, you are one modest man! Alright … I want to go to New Zealand and run barefoot … see aurora … and I want to cuddle a panda."

"What about three goals you have in life?"

"Get scholarship, have family … no, wait, instead of panda, I want to learn Arabic."

"Arabic? What for?"

"Edward Cullen, didn't you ever just want something so crazily, so irrationally that you couldn't stay away and you could not understand or rationalize it no matter how hard you tried?"

"I did … out of nowhere it appeared … and I wanted to stay away but I was intrigued …"

Seriously, dude had some serious emotional issues. He was smiling one moment, now he was bleak. Still, he had that smooth voice and all I could see was honey, honey all around me and me paddling in it, resisting the sweetest form of death known to man …

And it happened! Me doing something with my hands + audience can only end in one way, whether I'm in kitchen or on tennis field. Surprisingly, I didn't chop off while finger. Actually, I didn't chop off anything. There was just blood, not that much of it but enough to feel my stomach doing somersaults. And one very nice potato went to waste.

Edward was such a gentleman. The moment I screamed he jumped to me, probably ready to catch me if I fainted which was definitely a possibility. The guy just knew what to do to make me like him more! It was probably his magical eyes that made me self-destructive in the first place.

I cursed so I was still remarkably composed. He noticed it too so when I turned around to grab a cloth, he just … transported himself to the other side of the kitchen. No, not transported, he was faster than any means of transport I had ever seen … it was more of a speed of email. Yeah, something like that.

He turned around and covered his mouth with his hand. Oh boy, I was so happy I wasn't the only one so intolerant to blood! I would totally join him if blood wasn't ruining my favourite sweater.

"I'll be right back …"

I ran upstairs, straight into the bathroom. I let cold water use its healing powers and indeed it succeeded in stopping blood from oozing uncontrollably. I was just about to put plaster on when Edward appeared. He is about as pale as I am but now he was … I heard somewhere that Eskimos have 30 words for snow. Well, whatever the word for the most pure, the most clean and the whitest snow of all is, that how white he was. I never imagined someone could be this ale and alive at the same time.

"I am sorry to just … I can't stand blood …" he said with regret in his voice. I would love to study his facial expression as I knew there was something beneath the regret but it was really hard to attach the plaster properly with my shaky hands.

"I … have to go now."

"Don't forget your coat …" Screw Stepford wife, I was bleeding! I was so close to dying, the closest I've been in weeks. I just couldn't be a good host at the same time!

I guessed I could kiss those extra credits goodbye. Edward ran downstairs so swiftly I doubted he would ever want my tutoring again. First time it was concussion, now blood; the next time I might end up needing liver transplant and I don't think Edward wanted to know if he was a match.

It took me half an hour to feel strong enough to descend the stairs and clean the mess in the kitchen. As I walked to get Edward's glass, I passed the only pot plant that managed to survive being roommates with the Swans, most likely because it was in the kitchen.

It smelled kind of funnily so I just had to lean closer. Thank god I was so weak from blood loss; indeed it was a liquid of life and sanity; had I been perfectly healthy, I could have sworn the plant smelled like Coke.

* * *

To Be Continued.

Broughttoyouby:::winter.


	8. Chapter 8

Hi guys,

thank for reading! And a shoutout to those who followed or favorited this!

Please take a moment to review.

Much love, winter.

* * *

**_Your heart, I'll carry it with me …_**

Bella Swan moves to Forks where she meets Edward Cullen. But this is not your typical Bella and this is not the story you know.

Twilight fanfiction; I own nothing.

* * *

**CHAPTER SEVEN**

I didn't bleed to death. I was still kicking. It was such cheerful news; I didn't even mind the rain anymore.

Of course, when I woke up, I didn't have the slightest idea the rain would not only clean pavements but also my mind. It would disinfect me of my stupidity and boost my IQ. Thank god for precipitation, really. I had no idea how I managed to survive this long in dry Arizona. I guess many of my mistakes could be explained with this climate theory.

I was late for Geography.

See, Biology professor divided us in pairs and gave us titles for some project we would be working on the next month. I got Tyler for a partner and he was pretty much a volcano of ideas. He was bubbling out one after another and it exhausted me to the point that I was too tired to even look at my wrist watch. Too much Biology talk makes my head spin and I was really close to comatozing myself.

Although I arrived late, Geography professor was even tardier. Ironic, isn't it? Professors are supposed to be our role models. I guess our generation will be late for pretty much everything in life, thanks to our high school paragon. Make notes, reporters, for the next time you're reporting about elderly first-time mothers.

Edward let out a deep sigh of relief as I was trying to restore the balance in my lungs.

"I'm still alive," I grinned and lifted the injured finger. I completely rocked the plaster with butterflies on it. I have to wonder which of my parents have me this accident gene, though. My mum could be the spoke person for the healthy – I don't think I have ever seen a bruise on her, while Charlie … well, if there were still plasters bought when I was 5 in his bathroom, I do not think there's much to say.

"And I am glad," he smiled.

"Where's the professor?"

"I'm guessing something is troubling him … hey, Bella, when was the last time you were studying Geography?"

"Geography?"

Honestly I didn't remember it. Lately I've been so occupied by this stupid book we were reading, a monument for women's stupidity, really. I don't know what kind of machismo champions write our school curriculum, but they certainly should not be allowed to enter the school system. Why do they want us to praise books that celebrate women who never stand up for themselves and let their men control them? You know that joke when there's flood and a guy is trapped on his roof? Then people in boat and helicopter arrive to take him to safety but he dismisses them saying his lord will save him. And in the end he drowns because there's nobody descending from above. He meets his lord with angst and asks why didn't he help him and the mighty man responds that he did send rescuers?

Well, hello? There are opportunities around us, just waiting for us to take charge and improve our lives! What are we waiting for?! Why do we need a saviour to save us; why cannot we do it ourselves? We are strong, beautiful, independent women; we can do everything! There's no need for us to be bitter that moment before we die, releasing we will never achieve our ideal life. We can get up, pack our bags, leave the douche; screw the society and what people think; we live for ourselves and we deserve to live well!

Anyway, I was so enraged by curriculum's attempt to turn back the clock and make us 1700s society again that I kind of forgot about Geography.

Edward asked me to explain Britain's climate. I surprised myself how much I remembered despite not repeating it in a while. Well, all illusions of my eidetic memory faded when I knew nothing of Asia's agriculture. I helped him decipher a sketch in textbook and then I returned to the hall of fame when I mastered pretty much everything there was to master about Arctic.

Imagine my surprise when a few minutes later, the professor finally showed up, without an untied tie for an excuse, bringing a pop quiz with him! Believe it or not, unannounced test didn't shock me nowhere near as much as the questions did. Sure, I knew everything, everything was peachy in this department – how could it not be if Edward asked me the same ones just minutes earlier?

I am not talking of similar questions. When I say exact, I mean it in the most pure meaning of the word. Somehow, Edward not only knew of this test's existence; he knew every single detail of it!

I sat still when the bell announced it was break time again. Everyone left the classroom, only Edward and I stayed behind.

"What was this?" I turned to him.

"A pop quiz," he shrugged.

"That is mot what I am talking about and you know it," I felt anger, confusion and fear taking over me. Selfish, ay? His kind heart made sure I was adequately prepared for the test so that it wouldn't screw my average yet I was inflamed. My people skills are messed up; I should accept any help I get and just move on. I should be burnt on a stake.

"It was a coincidence …"

"A coincidence? You think I'm dumb? Sure, coincidence would be getting one, maybe two questions right but all of them? That's such a statistical miracle I should just die in plane crash without boarding!"

"I guess the professor was just thinking the way I did … we thought the same things were important ..."

"Oh just shut up, Edward Cullen! I am not that kind of girl that would eat any crap you'd try to sell! You knew we were going to have a pop quiz and you knew all the questions! How did you know?"

"I didn't…"

"If she was a woman, sure, I'd believe you are her pet and she told you but since he's a guy, I'm thinking you broke into his cabinet?!"

"I didn't break into anything!"

"La la la, and I believe in Santa!"

"You have no idea what you're talking about," he dismissed me.

"Oh, I think we both know I'm right!" I exclaimed. Surely, anger could give me heart attack but it made my surprisingly efficient at PE. I even managed to get the ball into a goal; the professor apparently believed it was all result of his hard work as he staggered back while praising lord. I probably should be proud of me but anger was consuming me.

I don't enjoy being hateful to people. I really wish we could all just live in peace, getting on well with each other; make love don't fight or whatever hippies say, they certainly have a point.

Sadly, Edward keeps provoking the angry, punk side of me. It is not really my fault; I am actually a very kind, peaceful person.

On my way to the lockers I passed by Alice, Edward's sister. I don't really know what lit a bulb in my head but I felt so vigorous, so energetic and so powerful. I was the eye of the tornado and I was determined to rattle Edward's cage, put him in his place. Hell, I was no pawn and would not start being one for Edward, despite his beautiful appearance, sparkling eyes and his delicious smell! People are not material goods and we should not be used, no matter how perfect our wannabe owners are!

I exclaimed her name and Alice turned around, smiling. If I was not so ran down with emotions, I would probably wonder why she looked at me so kindly. I had never really had a feeling she particularly liked me. I don't know what I did to make the Cullen family hate me.

"Yes?"

Jasper was definitely worth of the family name. As if looking at me could give him smallpox (hello? Isn't their father a doctor? He should know smallpox was extinct!) he turned around, staring into lockers with such a desire that I wondered if he wanted to steal it and take it home with him.

Whatever. I lived before I met them and I will survive this hostility.

"Alice … you might know that I'm tutoring Edward maths …"

"Yes, I know," she smiled. Hm, I got a new theory. I had been going to this school for months now and I never saw anyone talk to any of the Cullens. Maybe they had some sort of 'who will be talked to first' competition and I just won it for Alice! If that was the case, I certainly deserved half of the reward, whatever it was.

"Well … I was just wondering …" how could anyone spend so much time in high school and not have clue about fractions whatsoever? "What were his grades like before this F?"

She thought about for a second. Call it the slap to the face, the final nail in the coffin or the final straw, whatever.

"I believe he had straight A. He is the best mathematician in the family."

Is there a law that prohibits people from stealing other people's precious free time? If there is, the next time Edward and I would meet would be in court when I would sue him and strip him off everything he owns and all he would ever own!

The first thing I planned to do after coming home was make pesters that would express my anger; multiply them by thousands and put them on school's walls. Then I would set up a club of Edward Cullen haters, something I doubt anyone else besides me would ever join. I didn't care about the bankruptcy; I just wanted the world to know what a jerk he was.

I officially hated Edward Cullen. The kind ohase was over, I was back with vengeance on my mind.

* * *

To Be Continued.

Broughttoyouby:::winter.


	9. Chapter 9

Thanks everyone for reading, I hope you like it!

Please, review.

Much love, winter.

* * *

**_Your heart, I'll carry it with me …_**

Bella Swan moves to Forks where she meets Edward Cullen. But this is not your typical Bella and this is not the story you know.

Twilight fanfiction; I own nothing.

* * *

**CHAPTER EIGHT**

Think a runaway train.

Think an eye of a tornado.

Think Wild West lady, with a horse and a gun. Or Kelly Clarkson in 'Since You've Been Gone'.

Think whatever you want. The next day I entered the school as one very angry lady. A good night sleep (yes, I slept surprisingly well) did not help tame my emotion. This black mamba was about to attack.

As we met in the library to study maths, he looked lightly apprehensive. He thought I was still upset about the pop quiz. He had no idea a new kind of anger arrived in town.

As usual, I gave him a few exercises form the book. Only, this time I mixed him with exercises we hadn't learnt about in school yet.

Apparently he truly believed I was dumb. Or he was the one blind, naïve and stupid. He didn't even notice. He solved the exercise, from what I could see, quite correctly, definitely more successfully as I would since I had no idea what to do. He truly was a maths prodigy!

Of course, a few steps from the end, he made a beginner's mistake. Stupid, useless fractions! Why would anyone bother doing them correctly if we have calculators for it? It is a waste of brain cells.

You know how you are so angry that you can't do anything but laugh? When a true expression of emotions would doubtlessly put you six feet under?

Well, I leant back in my chair, shook my head and smiled as he looked at me puzzled.

"You son of a bitch."

"Excuse me?" he looked genuinely surprised. Somebody threatened his reputation of a shy, naïve, good boy. I would be upset too.

"You know what I mean!" I exclaimed.

He carefully looked at me, as if truly had no idea.

"Is this about Geography yesterday?"

"No, it is not! It is about you faking an F and wasting my time!"

"I wasn't faking anything," he laughed and probably thought his smile would save him. It would, on any other day, with any other girl and quite possibly even with me in different emotional state.

"Oh, stop it! I talked to Alice; not just that - you are better at Maths than I am!"

"And how could you possibly know that?"

Sociopath, he was clearly a sociopath. And I invited him in my house. Wonder how I managed not to end up ripped in the ditch yet!

"Thank god you are not a woman, Edward, you are terrible at faking things! Or at least analyse situations before acting! You are claiming not to not the m of maths yet you have correctly solved an exercise we won't study for another month! Yet miraculously, your fractions are all over the place! Seriously, you really think I'm that dumb?!"

"It is just a coincidence …" was that a 'I just got caught' look on his face?

"Is your middle name Coincidence? You surely bump into many of them lately!"

"Bella…"

"Don't Bella me and don't dare say to calm down! What the hell is your problem?! Not just that you mess with your grades, you are wasting my time! You really think I have nothing better to do with my time?! Like study other subjects for example? Your father, Edward is a doctor and he'll pay for any college you want. Charlie is a sheriff and mum's husband barely earns enough to cover the bills! I have to get the scholarship otherwise I'll die before having enough money for college! Why do you have to be so selfish?!"

"Selfish? Don't you think I realize how important this scholarship is for you? Why do you think I helped you with Geography yesterday?"

"What kind of a freak are you?! You're telling me you broke into professor's cabinet FOR ME?!"

"How many times do I need to tell you that I didn't break into anything, Bella?"

"Then tell me, Mr Innocent, how did you know the questions?"

Of course he didn't know. The liar started believing in his own cooking up. What did I do to ever deserve this? I should just stop studying, get the hootchie momma clothing on and change my permanent address to streets. Addict myself with cocaine, meth, whatever is found on streets nowadays. There's absolutely no use in being good, faeces always start falling onto you.

"I can't tell you that, Bella."

"Can't or don't want?"

A picture is said to tell more than a thousand words. Apparently I was Tolstoy's 'War and Peace' for Edward; he stared at me as if I just staggered out of a night club, drunk. It was so excruciating, his staring into a pimple on my chin, that I would probably mimic Anna Karenina and throw myself under a train if there was railway anywhere near.

"Could you please staring using words instead of your eyes?!"

"I'm trying to understand what you're thinking …"

"Thinking?! Then please enlighten me and tell me why you always stare at me and only me? I've never seen you stare at anyone else! What is so special about me?!"

"Others are easier to read."

"Is this supposed to be a compliment? That I am more rational, not showing feelings like others do?"

Interesting. I didn't think there much doubt to what I was feeling in the moment. If Picasso was in the room and depicted me, I believe generations to come would know how I was feeling, I'm sure of it. Looks like Edward is more into paintings of cubes and triangles.

"No. You are way more emotional than others are, Bella."

Dude should just make up his mind! Or was this just a tactic of this skilled spider? His constant indecisiveness was driving me insane and I was really close to getting a free ticket to asylum.

"Emotional? I am completely sane!"

"Then why are you yelling at me? Why are you such a stuck up bitch that you don't even see that I'm trying to help you?"

"A stuck up…" Like I said, I am a nice person. I had never been called the b word. I would accept it, of course, if it was deservedly. This time I was the victim! There should be a fund established to raise money for a therapist! I was suffering the emotional trauma here! "Well if YOU are so rational, why are yelling?!"

"If you weren't so deluded by your emotions, you might actually know!"

"Deluded? I am talking to a thief and yet I am the one deluded? I would be perfectly fine if you weren't around! God, I wish I had never met you!"

If this was a movie, he would yell back, screaming he wanted me to never exist.

I wish it was. The corners of his mouth turned down and he actually looked sad as I spoke those words.

"You have no idea how much I wish that too …"

A lunatic. A crazy man, a madman. A fruitcake. A psycho. A nut job. His imbecility was off any known scale

Although, on second thought, it was probably for the best that this was real life. If it was fiction, I would marry the guy in the end.

"Stop repeating what I say! It's pathetic!"

"Please, hate me, Bella; it would make things so much easier …"

I am ashamed to admit it, but I did what he told me to. I was such a slave for him! I wished I loved him just for the sake of opposing him.

In fear of this parasite eating my entre IQ, I stormed out of the library, to librarian's joy, I guess. Although she was a woman, I don't think she appreciated the outburst of feminist movement in her quiet haven of books.

* * *

To Be Continued.

Broughttoyouby:::winter.


	10. Chapter 10

Thanks for reading!

Please, comment.

love, w.

* * *

**_Your heart, I'll carry it with me …_**

Bella Swan moves to Forks where she meets Edward Cullen. But this is not your typical Bella and this is not the story you know.

Twilight fanfiction; I own nothing.

* * *

**CHAPTER NINE**

So I hated him.

May I add, I am pretty good when it comes to grudges. I am not sure of this is something worth bragging about since forgiving is meant to bring peace to you. But then again, I do suck at most things so I will take what I can get.

I married my textbooks. I realized that despite their dreadful aura they indeed had much to offer. Pictures were usually stunning and editors really worked hard to attract my attention with colours and different types of writing. I would feel bad if I didn't appreciate their effort.

I am a diehard fighter. I will stand up for what I believe and my stubbornness won't let me give in, not even if the apocalypse happens. Yet sometimes you gotta be wise and learn something from Don Quixote's mistakes. There's no point in battling the wind mills. You will never win. all you'll get is a bill from health care and lots of bruises. They are stronger and using a match to burn them down would be cheating.

Studying is a pain in the ass but sometimes you have to play with the system in order to win. Organizing protests, screaming, running around topless would not solve anything. It would send me to jail and with criminal record I would forever be stuck in Forks. I'm not saying it is a bad place; it is an uneventful, boring, ordinary little town and I guess happiness could be found here if one was looking for it. But I wasn't this type of let's be happy person. I want more. I want to experience life; I wanna see sights I read about in magazines as a kid. I want to meet people of different race, religion, beliefs; I get bored seeing the same faces day after day. I want to experience world! Forks simply isn't enough for me!

That scholarship was my ticket out. Without it, the train to something better would leave without me, leaving me in plain misery. So If I had to miss the football games, risk my eyesight, become that chick that still wears last year's fashion, fine, let it be. In the name of the future, I'll swallow it.

When I fight, I go all in. there's no 99% for me. I decided to cut Edward out of my life completely; I was already a bitch in his eyes so what else could he call me? I asked Lauren to switch seats at Geography. I got to sit with Mike, this perfectly well-mannered and well-intentioned small town boy and she got to sit next to Edward, this incarnation of physical perfection and complete presumptuousness. To an untrained eye it might seem I was cheated, but Mike would win the contest by a mile on any given day.

I still was an elephant in china shop when it came to PE but apparently, being a cheerleader in Forks is not the main charm! I was the girl on the bleachers yet it was as if indeed I was carrying pompoms around. The more I tried to join the circle of nerds, the more popular I got.

It was nice to see someone being so enthusiastic about a school project, especially if it involved cloning, and I was happy that Tyler offered to do most of the work. Yes, I might have been using him a bit and I did get the slap to my face when one lesson he very indiscreetly asked me if he could come to my place to discuss 'the great idea he had'.

By that point I thought I had heard of every idea there can be about biology project (twice, not just once), so I'm not really sure what threw me off, this extension of Tyler's brainstorming or his self-invitation to my house.

"Well…"

"I'll bring my laptop to show you the presentation I've been working on … and that we could make posters …"

Is there a manual that gives instructions how to explain to a guy that you are not interested in making anything with him? I would hate to break his heart. And of course, end up with a new partner, especially with the kind that only drops by the school three times per year.

"I don't know why we should be working so hard on it now," I said and sounded completely unconvincing, "I think we will be working on this for a whole week during Biology…"

"Yeah but if we do most of the work now we'll be free then …"

And nothing will stop us from making out in the cleaning ladies' cabinet; he probably forgot to add,

"I'm just trying to help you, Bella …"

They all say that. It's like every man is born with this basic vocabulary; how to enchant a woman – and ensure the survival of our species! Sadly, we, the weaker sex, are much smarter than we like to pretend. In thousands of years, our great-great-great-on-god-knows-which-exponent aunts managed to decipher this mysterious language. They had to go through a lot of pain but it was all for the good of future girls. So that now I, Bella Swan, can see through this … façade and uncover their true intentions. It's a cruel world; nobody just volunteers to help and wants nothing in the return – especially if he's male. Ah, I can live just fine without them – I have Google, after all. Maybe by the time I'll be in college, I'll open up my heart to trust enough to let a real man help me with my essays.

Teenage boys are much like male pandas; they look cuddly but they've got claws and they all caught the small of the same future baby momma. And, of course, they smell each other from miles away.

I had just gotten Tyler off my back when Mike switched into higher gear.

"So, how is it working with Tyler?" he tried to sound cheerfully but in his mind he was already plotting and I doubt he planned to leave Tyler live in the end.

"Nice, I guess …"

"Cool. Listen … my cousin's husband is working in some kind of laboratory …. He would be glad to help you if…"

"Thanks, Mike," I smiled and tried to appear grateful but in reality my head was about to explode. Should I call Charlie and tell him to evacuate the school? Or should I just blow everyone and everything up, including my princes on grey horses?

It was such a tempting thought.

So, yes, things were looking up.

Lauren was still incredibly optimistic. From the tales she told at lunch, Edward was pretty much ignoring her; not even a 92$ perfume or a short t-shirt in winter didn't help. I don't think she realized how happy she should be. Although I wasn't sitting next to him anymore, his eyes still practiced gymnastic on me. But you know what? I didn't care. I was beautiful, attractive, breath taking girl. I decided to take his staring as a compliment – and delectation. I was something he had lost and would never get back. Of course, not that he had had me to start with!

Mike didn't stop at offers; no, when it came to physical activity, he was the most active of all! At PE we finally got over the stupid handball phase and it sounds way better than it actually was. We got badminton in return and quite honestly, my head and my teeth were in much graver danger once the racket found its way into my hand.

Either Mike was a terrible loser or he tried to impress me; we played in doubles and after our defeat, thanks to my input, of course, he started playing for both of us. I could clone myself but even a thousand Bellas wouldn't be as good as only the original Mike.

If I wasn't already sharing bed with textbooks, I would admire his speed, agility, his explosive strength. He was so precise! Not to mention his muscles; the sweaters he was wearing outside the gym, really didn't do his body justice. As if he wanted to unsexy himself! Should I learn from this? Would drawing pimples on my skin, not bruising my hair and wearing outdated clothes make me deliciously unwanted?

I had given myself a time off. I should be repeating one of the textbooks in my mind but was too occupied looking at Mike. God knows which sphere I was floating in. the gym was to horrible, too dysfunctional place for me to be in. I did hear people screaming my name but pretended I didn't hear them. Have you ever see anyone distracting cheerleaders when the school's star is about to score?

Certainly, when Mike dropped the racket and turned to me in plain fright, I should embrace reality. He was urging me to move but his words sounded so Chinese to me. I had no idea what on earth he was talking about!

I looked up, to ask god to give these people some common sense and that's when I saw the backboard hanging somewhat … weirdly. It was such a funny angle; I could not help myself from looking. Of course, I should move; foresee the future, me with a bad, very bad blunt trauma on my head or even my coffin. But I guess I had bgger problems than that.

Tyler was making a project for me, Mike was offering me a married man and Edward stole tests for me … why couldn't I just get someone … shy? Who would leave me roses in the lockers, write short notes with romantic lyrics and make me fall in love with him? That was the kind of boyfriend I would like. The one who wouldn't pressure me to get involved, actively or even morally. Or at least someone who would wait until graduation!

Yes, as the backboard finally broke free and started falling down, I was too caught up in my mind, still dwelling on my love problems. I wish I could say it was because of the fear but I was numb. I didn't even get the life flashing in front of my eyes moment. As my death was coming closer, I was still marvelled by the angles.

Thank god not all of us were willing to wait till grafuation to solve problems.

* * *

To Be Continued.

Broughttoyouby:::winter.


	11. Chapter 11

Hi,

sorry for the delay of this chapter; honestly, I feel like I am kind of losing myself with this.

Thanks everyone for reading :) please, review, I would really like to know if you think this is as bad as I do :/

love, winter.

* * *

**_Your heart, I'll carry it with me …_**

Bella Swan moves to Forks where she meets Edward Cullen. But this is not your typical Bella and this is not the story you know.

Twilight fanfiction; I own nothing.

* * *

**CHAPTER TEN**

Death seemed just as uneventful as life. One gotta wonder why we are making such a big deal out of it, really. It is a normal transition, after all. No fanfares, no flames, just ... normality.

But first impressions often lie so there might have been something more I would soon discover about death if strong, determined hands didn't pull me out of danger, back into life.

Whoever it was, they certainly weren't as graceful when it came to ballet as I was. They and consequently I lost balance and landed on out, well, you know. I am pretty sure my poor tailbone had early Halloween and had some blue make up going on. I never know what to be when Halloween comes so I guess I should thank this person that made everything so easy this year! Or … should I be upset and angry since the mask would not come without some pain?

Nah, I should be thing of the above. The backboard came crashing down, pretty much to the spot where I had been standing at moments ago. Doubtlessly that blunt trauma would kill me. And I love to live. So I should build an altar and kiss the ground my saviour walked on.

"Bella, are you ok?!" screamed Mike and his face was so close to mine I almost wanted to scream myself. I am usually very open and generous person but whatever kick he got out of having his hand on my hip, well, I felt seriously uncomfortable with it.

The door of the gym swung open and Edward came racing to Mike and I. he had panic written all over his face and despite my hatred for him, I didn't feel kind of sorry for him.

"Bella?" he knelt to me and looked like he was about to start sobbing, "please, talk to me!"

"She's fine Cullen," quickly hissed Mike and his hand still didn't move off my hip. If my mind wasn't floating in some other sphere, I would certainly move it myself. "What are you even doing here?!"

"I heard what was happening …" Edward started but quickly shut his mouth as if he had already said too much. His caring eyes made my skin feel like it had a rash on. I was so close to just scratching it off me.

"Heard where?!" exclaimed Mike, sounding angry. Of course, he pulled out of the devil's way. a devil's stepson, Edward Cullen arrived to the scene now, trying to win me back. Long live the materialism; I was basically only a polygon for them to prove their strength to each other. Turn back the clock, let's go back to middle ages; two knights were fighting over a lady – or was I only a slave?

Edward dismissed his opponent's enraged stare. Once again, I was the target of his enchanting eyes. I I guessed I would have to scratch off my face mre than just skin.

"Bella?" he asked.

I really wanted to answer him, I truly did. But apparently the wires in my brain became disconnected when I came so close to death. Looking at the broken backboard on the floor sent short cuts through my mind and left me unable to form any sentence. I felt this pressure inside my skull and it threatened to blow me into pieces.

"I …"

One vowel. Wow, such an accomplishment! I wouldn't even get pass first grade now!

Edward didn't agree with me. my mental capacity of a one-year old was clearly not making him as happy as it made me.

"She's in shock. Can somebody please call an ambulance?"

"I already have!" I heard Lauren responding somewhere in the distance. She might have stood only a few metres away but for me it seemed like she was on the other side of the Atlantic. I was only a negligible flea in the middle of an ocean, without any desert islands nearby to keep me company. I felt so isolated and the currents were dragging me away, away, even further into nothingness. There was nothing but pure water everywhere around me. I was out of strength. My muscles felt tired and were giving in. I struggled to keep my head above the water and the salt was corroding me. I was about to be a feast to the sharks; I could already see them swimming around me. I would soon join that damned backboard as a waste …

"I don't …" I managed to mumble.

The war between the Mike the King and Edward the Rebel was also decided. Edward pushed Mike away carelessly and his hands embraced my face as he leant closer to me. His touch, it felt so cold … as if indeed I was on death's doorstep …

"You're gonna be just fine, Bella," I heard him say a I saw his eyes slipping away into the darkness. I surrendered. I had no strength left; I let the currents sweep me into the unconsciousness.

* * *

a bright light brought me back into the land of fully living creatures. Or did it? I had to wonder; yes, my wandering mind was probably encouraged by the liquid that poured into my arm though the syringe invading my skin. I remembered those few sermons I had intended as a little girl; the priest one was annoying prick but he had said something about a light welcoming you when your soul crosses over into whatever is beyond … or was the reruns of Ghost Whisperer I was thinking of now?

"Good morning, Miss Swan," an upbeat voice said ad the cheerfulness made my crunch. It wasn't afterlife; this morning sun was a doc, Dr Cullen as his nametag said. He was testing the reflex of my pupils or whatever the hell he was doing. It all came back to me and knocked me down as a tsunami.

Apparently, not only I could not stand blood, I was also prone to fainting! Ok, ok, it was a stressful situation and when my emotion-deprived senses perceived just how close I was to dying, I guess my body just became overwhelmed. I don't think it was fair to be hard on myself; it was a normal reaction after all. Well, more normal than abnormal, at least.

"Yeah …"so I was lying in hospital bed, with meds being pimped into my arm. I always knew I sucked at PE and I often got injured; but I had never before been sent to a hospital – especially during my time out! Will this give me a lifelong excuse from participating in gym activities? If so, I regretted not seeing any cast on me.

"So what's the verdict, doc? Can I go home? Just lying here makes me feel sick." I really hoped he would turn around soon; I wanted to pull that syringe out of my arm. And the sheets I was lying under … just the air I had to breathe I here … hospitals were not my cup of tea although everyone I had ever met was mysteriously convinced I would go to med school. No idea why; that sentence had never ever come out of my mouth; it had never been in my mind to start with. I'm a renegade; I had never done things people wanted me to; I live for myself and I will do whatever I want. The crazy cat lady from down the block can eat the horror she'll feel once I paint my hair purple.

"Actually, dad already gave me a permission to take you home."

Looks like I will be able to tell that lady what horror tastes like. I felt like I was watching the horrorest of all horror movies ever shot. I wonder how much Edward would be paid for starring in one. I know I would most likely suffer some sort of lethal attack if he appeared on the screen. If it was 3D, there would be no way I was walking away in anything but covered with white sheet.

"How … great. Bu I can walk really."

"I wouldn't advise you that, Bella. You need plenty of rest today," quickly said dr Cullen.

Horror house, I was probably about to be chained and starved till the end of my days. Such a shame Dr Cullen is Edward's father; otherwise, I think he would be quite a likeable doctor.

"I promise I will get you home safely," Edward's eyes assured me. "Plus, that's my excuse for not being at Geography. Please, do not make me lie."

He was a thief but didn't want to be a liar? Well, what kind of morals this boy possesses! Should I be touched?

It wasn't fair, really. Me against two, one of which was an authority. I was bound to lose. Even though Dr Cullen's pager started producing some weird sounds, odds were not in my favour. As soon as his dad disappeared around the corner, Edward leant closer to me. I was about to press the emergency button as he pulled the syringe out of my arm. Man, I felt so free all of a sudden! Of course, I almost got that déjà vu fainting feeling since that thing was so deep in my vein!

As my face turned pale I was, at least in Edward's mind, unable to walk by myself. Yes, my mind was hating him but a girl in my heart almost melted when he lifted me u.

"Don't tell my dad," he winked at me and if I were an ice cube, I would most likely melt. Or not; his arms, his entire body, actually, was as cold as I was in North Pole. Sadly we didn't bump into Santa as we sneaked out of the room.

"I guess I should warn you, Bella," he said as I threw my hands around his neck, "the whole school gathered to see our school champion in fainting."

"Oh…" I am not entirely sure what made me moan – that I became Forks' biggest celebrity since … like ever, or that Edward was mocking me. but he is such a superman, he's handsome, he's … strong and … probably does possess some other great qualities I would know of if his idiocy wasn't such a big turn off for me; then of course isn't that surprising that he could even read minds; he knew what I meant even when I thought I didn't!

"Thought so," he grinned and avoided the main hall. Another plus of being doctor's son; he probably knew the map of the hospital by heart and therefore it wasn't a problem for him to find the back door. I didn't have to face anyone; thank god, even if Mike and Tyler brought chocolates with them, I preferred to avoid them. They should know what chocolate does to my hips!

It was probably whatever I was on but the drive home was such a pleasant one – not because it was the most luxurious car I had been in since I left Phoenix and the great radio didn't have much to do with it either. I grinned like crazy when I played with volume and sang terribly out of tune when my favourite song was on. I could be the next YouTube sensation at least judging from the grin on Edward's face.

I was relieved when he stopped in front of my house, coz anyone else would probably drop me of that psych ward. He rushed out of the car and opened the door for me. My state was definitely similar to the one I would be in after our date. I was still convinced I was the next Whitney Houston as I searched for the key in my bag. I pretty much dropped the whole thing and books and pencils and everything that is a must in girl's purse flew across the porch. I don't really know what was so humorous about that. But, hey, I was in shock! I almost died today! Give a girl a break!

He helped me put everything back in the back and magnificent as he is he found the key. Chivalry wasn't dead and he made sure I reached the couch without any more accidents. As I screamed at some silly lady in Jerry Springer show, he made me tea. I was slowly sipping it – it was just the right temperatures; I could spill it all over me but not suffer any major burns. Isn't he just amazing? – as he called Charlie. I could imagine his fury after he discovered the vigil the waiting room was a waste of time since someone already stole me from the hospital. THAT was definitely not funny but I still laughed.

Edward sat down next to me and the blanket I had so successfully kicked off me found its way back.

"I'll go now," he said, "your dad will be…"

"Charlie," I automatically corrected him.

"Charlie … why do you call him by his first name?"

I shrugged.

"You are really something, aren't you, Bella? I have never met anyone like you …"

"You are the only one who has ever thought so."

"Sometimes I got a feeling the whole male population of our school shares my thoughts …"

"They're annoying," I rolled my eyes.

"Does that mean I am annoying too?" he smirked.

God knows what else I would babble out. My passport for online bubbling blog?

"Most of the time."

"Would you care to give me an example?"

"Like when you steal tests and then say you only tried to help."

"I didn't lie, Bella. I have never stolen anything. Though … there's one thing I wish I could …"

"What? SATs?" I frowned.

He only smiled and since my social skills kind of suck, I don't really know if I was close.

"See you in school, Bella," he said and leant closer, kissing my forehead. I came really close to spilling my tea, I admit. There was something about Edward, I couldn't deny. No matter how much I tried to hate him … as I watched him leaving the house and slowly driving away, I realized I couldn't. I could be a hurricane of emotion in one and completely numb in the next moment, but I lacked the glands to produce the off the scale hatred for Edward Cullen.

* * *

To Be Continued.

Broughttoyouby:::winter.


	12. Chapter 12

Hey everyone,

thanks for reading!

Feel free to review, I love to hear your thoughts :)

much love,

W.

* * *

**_Your heart, I'll carry it with me …_**

Bella Swan moves to Forks where she meets Edward Cullen. But this is not your typical Bella and this is not the story you know.

Twilight fanfiction; I own nothing.

* * *

**CHAPTER ELEVEN**

People are born and die every day. It's a fact and everyone who has reached high school should be aware of that. So, why are people making such a big deal out of someone's lifespan expanding for some additional time? They should focus on poor conditions in Africa; donate their time to saving orphans; or, even better, they should drown themselves in textbooks and maybe end up finding miraculous cure for malaria!

Honestly, pretty much everything would be better than indulging in staring at me. I ODed on hugs and the sympathy looks were twisting my stomach. I want to be that inconspicuous girl in the background, wearing the grey sweater and hiding behind a book; high heels, fake boobs and peroxide are too bright of a spotlight for me.

Now I was one of those people on the cover of magazines who tell the world their story of a survival. Hey, People, backboard tried to kill me because I hate sports but I am fine now; bruises are healed, my blood is free of any meds and I forgave my assassin. It wasn't its fault; it got carried away by its emotions. It didn't think things through. I am alive and I forgave. Plus I got thousands for speaking out and making a fool out of myself. Everything for the money!

Mike certainly took the cherry off the top of my survival cake. Now that it was evident that I was attracting falling backboards he appointed himself as my personal bodyguard. It was just dreadful. He blocked the light when I was studying in the library. He was constantly buying me chocolates as if more sugar in my body would build anti-attack guns on my head. At Geography he was the one pointing on mentioned places on the map as if I was illiterate. At PE, well, at least there he didn't do anything. I could almost kiss the professor when I got excused from participating for a week while getting over PTSD.

I thought Biology at least would be a holiday for me, without Mike in the classroom. I was such Emma Bovary, living in ideals, ignoring the truth. Somehow I managed to transform Tyler into a harmless extra. Of course, the salary wasn't big enough for him to sign the contract.

I don't know much about collaborating since I am an only child and cooking edible things in our home means 0% involvement from anyone that isn't me, but I do think the effort I put into the project didn't match Tyler's. All I did was color the letters of the title; the headlines, the pictures, even the paper and pens were his. I wish I could say it felt like holding margarita in my hands and lying on a sandy beach somewhere on Vanuatu but really, it just made me feel bad.

Guilty consciousness is a bitch. And Tyler is not a saint for inflicting me one, either! It was a hostage situation and I was all out of money. Of course, I could not say no when he asked me to give him my jewellery – I mean, when he invited himself over to my house to finish the project.

I almost wished Brenda Spencer would appear on the roof of Forks High School and shoot me dead.

Charlie is a cop. a cop in a really small town but I guess he did have to pass some basic training. There was no way I could hide the urgent vacuuming after coming home from school.

"Dad … my friend, Tyler, is coming over today," I mumbled when Charlie came home. Even I wanted to be deaf and not hear the words I was saying so I can't imagine how Charlie must have been feeling.

He put the car keys down very slowly and it was totally the nails on the black board moment. Was I about to get grounded? I hoped so.

"Tyler?" he finally said.

"Yeah … we're working on a biology project together." Well, Tyler is most likely also preparing PowerPoint presentations of our wedding but for me it is strictly business.

"I thought Edward Cullen is your partner," Charlie said, still clearly lost in his thought. If he was wondering where the bullets to his gun were, well, they are in the top drawer of his night stand. I checked. I really needed one in my cardiac ventricle, like right now.

Apparently I do need a personal body guard by my side at all times. I tripped over the vacuum cleaner and how I managed not to fall on the glass table and bleed to death, is a million dollars question.

No, it wasn't obvious at all.

"I was tutoring him maths," I corrected him.

"Well, whatever you two were doing, he is certainly not acting gratefully."

My head turned into a major tomato. If someone was willing to eat it and relieve me of this embarrassment, I would truly be grateful for life.

My mission of spreading hatred for Edward Cullen is apparently on the right track; only, I didn't infect me but Charlie. Ever since Edward 'abducted' me from the hospital bed and drove me home, something, according to Charlie's transparent eyes, that is father's duty, he put Edward on his crap list. Not sure of he's numero uno, but I'm certain he's in top 3.

"It wasn't his idea, dad, I wanted to get out of the hospital but I really didn't want to meet anyone …" I repeated for like the billionth time.

"Yeah, sure," he shrugged, trying to look unaffected but his sweaty forehead revealed he was drowning in discomfort. "So why didn't you ask Tyler to drive you home?"

"Why would I ask Tyler to drive me home?"

"Well, didn't you say he's your Biology partner?"

"I didn't choose him to be my partner, dad, we're not exactly friends. Professor selected pairs."

"Oh, so Edward Cullen is your friend?"

I don't know what a friend is in police jargon, but from the sound of Charlie's voice, it didn't mean anything particularly good. I always excel at this kind of exercises at exams but I felt like I was going to fail this one, whichever way I chose.

"Can we talk about this later? I still have to clean…"

Men. Didn't Oprah once say they weren't that much into talking? Charlie was breaking down all the stereotypes. He looked willing to stand there and talk until the apocalypse came. Well, at least the stereotype about men hating chores was still true. He could offer to put glasses on the table, but no, I guess he could stretch a muscle.

"Look, Bella …" I hope mum told him that there was no need to give me that sex talk every parent dreads. Mum had already given me one and, gosh, I wish I didn't know as much as I do. Sometimes being knowledgeable really makes you a smartass. A heart-broken smartass. "I am aware that you are a teenage girl and … if you want to …. Have … boyfriends … or go out on dates … you can. I won't stop you, just … be careful, alright?"

"I don't want Tyler to be my boyfriend!" I exclaimed. did we switch places? Is this Freaky Friday 2.0, no, I mean 3.0 and I am supposed to be Lindsay Lohan? Then I'll just go clone myself and send my twin sister here coz this high school dating world freaks the hell out of me! Comparing to Phoenix, the Forks people certainly make up for the difference in weather temperature with heated romance talks! I don't even want to know how the actual romancing looks like!

"It's got nothing to do with me!" of course, like any real man, when troubles are on the horizon, it was time for Charlie to back off. "Do whatever you want, Bella."

"I will."

Well, if I was a tomato, that afternoon certainly changed into a strained mess. Tyler was very nice and he is a guy any girl would … hell, who am I kidding? I don't want anyone. Well, I don't want Tyler or Mike; I just can't make myself tell that to me because they are both your sooooooooooooooooo nice to me. So, yes, I am a damned leech! I suck Tyler's enthusiasm and willingness to do school work for me and I suck Mike's kindness and his selfless sacrifice … I make both think that I am grateful … I am, don't get me wrong, I just don't want to get married because of this gratitude… where are we, in India? Why does everyone here sees a wedding as a refund?!

I couldn't focus on the task in front of me. I just nodded every time Tyler asked me something. I blankly stared into the photo of Dolly the sheep and wished I had a clone myself. I would just pass this terrible burden to her and go away and never come back. Yes, I wanted to run away! This feminist, this stand up for yourself and screw what everyone else thinks girl wanted to back down and run away, preferably limbo dance style! I wanted to throw away all my beliefs just because I was on the radar of two guys! I know I should just tell Tyler that he ain't gonna make bread out of this flower. But then I would hurt his feelings and since revenge is a bitch I would … end up with an F at Biology coz he would tell the professor the real driving force behind the project …

As I grabbed a glass of water and drank it down, I wanted to just drown in it. Just let it flow into my lungs; I wouldn't fight, I wouldn't cough. I would walk straight into death, leave all my problems behind. Let someone else deal with them. Observe from the hell the battle of my wannabe husbands, all fighting for the title of the most grief-stricken.

I'm such a bitch.

"Listen, Bella …" Tyler was either a mind reader or maybe I was a long way from having a poker face. "You and Newton … are you two … you know … together?"

Santa almost granted me a wish! A sip I was taking went down the wrong way and I know my face turned blue as I tried to show it the right highway. Yay, I still wanted to live, apparently! I want to see my children graduate and hold their babies in my arms! I certainly won't let one boy take these dreams away from me!

"Together? Why would you say that?" I said in a voice of a perishing lady.

"Well ... you just seem to be very close …"

"No, we're not together … we're just … friends …"

Only that Mike probably expected some benefits. He did save my life; I should know that in 21st century people don't just do things and expect nothing in return.

"Oh, ok!" he exclaimed. Oh, if only cheerfulness could kill! This seed had to be derived any water before it dared to sprouts.

"But Tyler … I am not really into dating any one right now … school work is kinda killing me …"

"Yeah, yeah, I understand …"

I could see maths on his face. If I help her with some other project, she will have more free time and we could shag … well, I don't think there are enough numbers to depict the latter.

I should just say that I am Bianca Stratford and I am not allowed to date.

Or that I have some medical condition, like, migraines. Who wants a girl who always has headaches?

Ah, well, maybe I should just try the truth. Once the project is safely graded already, of course.

Yeah, I was so blissfully unaware of what was just around the corner …

* * *

To Be Continued.

Broughttoyouby:::winter.


	13. Chapter 13

Hey everyone,

Thanks for reading and thanks to all for comments! I read, appreciate and think about all of them so feel free to review.

Hope you'll like it, more to follow soon.

Love, Winter.

* * *

**_Your heart, I'll carry it with me …_**

Bella Swan moves to Forks where she meets Edward Cullen. But this is not your typical Bella and this is not the story you know.

Twilight fanfiction; I own nothing.

* * *

**CHAPTER TWELVE**

I was tangled in our love square. Our ship was doomed. There might have been some life boats left but I was a rat, running up and down the lower deck. There was no way out for me. Everyone kept running pass me, not even caring about having someone like me among them. In crisis priorities switch; poor hygiene and potential plague just kind of fade into the background. It's everyone for themselves and I stood no chance.

Ironic, isn't it? Everyone was fighting for me yet no one actually cared. Who cares what I want; I am, after all, just a material good. New flesh in town. That little pretty Barbie everyone would envy. Love is blind, especially when's only a crush. Been there done that. I left with a promise not to ever let it happen again. It looked like now I was wise beyond my years. And paying a price, like everyone who has ever been ahead of their time – Middle Ages, anyone? Such a nice company, Giordano Bruno and I now sing in choir and curse the world.

Tyler cooled off a bit. It seemed like he indeed accepted my 'no time for romance' statement although I feared it was only calm before the storm. I still caught him looking at me funnily when he thought I was listening to the professor.

If Tyler made my stay at Forks high a bit more bearable, Mike made it pure hell. Flames were going off around me every time I saw him. His kind, warm side began disappearing in fire, melting in the extreme heat of rage. His darker side was taking the spotlight and it sent creeps down my spine every time I saw him. Soon, the sole thought of Mike pushed me in horror.

I would have died if it wasn't for him. I would be dead, six feet under and I was acting like an ungrateful cow. Not that I wanted to avoid him, feel the urge to run away every time he spoke to me. I would love nothing more than to chit chat about weather, politics, Twilight and whatever was in now, but … I felt the hammer on my consciousness. My petite body, my bones were breaking under the pressure and, ashes to ashes, it was killing me.

How do you tell someone who saved you that you don't want them? That you cannot love them the way they expect you to because … there's this feeling you have when you are around someone else. A feeling you are afraid and ashamed of and would love nothing more but to shake it off, turn it off but you just CAN'T. It is there, driving you insane and soon you are nothing but that terrible, selfish, self-destructive warmth and bliss and … fulfilment.

Edward again disappeared for a few days. I wish I could say it made things easier. In reality, his presence still lingered. To me it seemed like he was everywhere – as I passed the lockers, I remembered seeing him leaning on them. In cafeteria I kept looking at the Cullens' table only to crush into their cold stare. I could cry every time I saw any kind of map anywhere near me and the gym … ah, let's just say I am still waiting on the proper combination of pills prescribed to get over my PTSD.

Then time for lunch came.

In Ancient Rome lunch was the time of lying down, relaxing after a long day. In some parts of the word it is a family time. In American high school, it is a re-enactment of the Battle of Richmond. Only that someone forgot to send me the details. Otherwise I too would bring Charlie's shotgun.

I neared our table with a plate in my hands. One perfectly shaped apple with and a lemonade for later. The pasta of the day smelled kind of funny and a stomach bug was the last companion I wanted. Tyler and Mike each had an empty chair facing them. Those two chairs were the only ones left by the table; apparently our table was getting increasingly popular lately.

I just sat down opposite to Tyler. I wasn't really thinking; it was just the closest chair. But for Mike the two chairs had a great symbolic meaning. Looks like dude is about to become Freud 2.0; I was too dumb to comprehend this deeper meaning. I was Gavrilo Princip, about to shoot Franz Ferdinand and start a World War I. Please, go to bunkers and save yourselves!

I always knew I was gonna be great one day.

"So this is the way you want it, Bella," Mike gritted his teeth and put down the mask of a boy next door.

"I'm sorry?" I honestly didn't have any idea what he was talking about. The lack of food in my stomach slowed down my mental process.

"Don't apologize, I just wish you were honest with me," he stared at me with the eyes of a serial killer next door.

Honesty is a bitch. You steal a bag, confess it and you rot in prison for a decade. You have this boy you don't love, you tell him and he posts your intimate pics all over the net. Withholding might be a quiet, more private kind of a bitch but at least you don't have the attention of the whole school. I was still a new girl and Perez was just waiting for me to (s)trip.

Well, now he got it.

"I never said I want to go out with you! I know you saved my life, I am grateful for that but I don't have a switch that can make me love you!"

"You gave an impression…"

"I think you gave yourself an impression!" interrupted Tyler. He got up and Mike followed. Like two enraged bulls they were staring into each other. It was so embarrassing; two men fighting over … me? Wasn't it obvious that the winner gets exactly the same thing as the loser – nothing? I wanted to crawl under the table and wait until it was over.

"No, don't, Tyler, please!" I courageously jumped off my chair as well but ... the table was between me and our versions of Daniel Cleaver and Mark Darcy. Stopping this madness from happening would require doing a long jump over the table and since I'm Bridget Jones I doubted it would end with my legs unbroken.

"Just stop! I don't want to go out with any of you! Ok? I don't … no, no, no, no, no! I never have wanted; you just pulled me into this … mess!"

I probably had bigger audience than Kardashians. Every set of eyes in the cafeteria was staring into me and I felt them all; even the lunch lady tore her look off Facebook and turned to me. They didn't expect me to also give a speech, did they? Public appearances are just not something I ace!

"So you're admitting you were just playing with us?" said Mike gloomily. Well, that was good! Better to release the anger onto me than into a fist and consequently to Tyler's face. Coz, I mean, he wouldn't hit me, would he?

"I never… you know what, I'm not gonna explain myself coz I did nothing wrong! I never said I wanted to go out with any of you! Should I wear a 'I don't wanna date you' sign on my forehead from now on?!"

Forks must seriously be a very boring town; I can't imagine any other reason why would this very public … breakup attract so much attention. It's something you see every day on Real Housewives. Or in trailer parks. i knew my dear classmates were suddenly very fond of their phones' cameras.

Apparently the Cullens don't watch much reality TV. For the first time since my arrival I saw them focusing on something besides themselves during lunch.

As if it wasn't embarrassing enough, Emmett, the gigantic one, got up and walked to the centre of the arena. His magnificent built would freak the hell out of Mount Blanc; surely Tyler and Mike would get to their senses as well.

"Is there a problem?" he said perfectly unaffected. Great, now that we have peace someone only needs to call Charlie and let him arrest me for public disturbance!

Mike surely had guts, I had to admit that. He didn't even twitch. Yes, Emmett was big enough to see the sunset before the sunrise reached us, humble little people and his punch could have easily throw Mike to China.

"Just tell me this straight, Bella," his eyes stabbed me in the face, "are you with Cullen?!"

The air I breathed in got lost while being transported into my lungs.

"That's the first time he has spoken to me!"

"I'm not talking about him!"

What's with people thinking I have something with the youngest Cullen?! I hate him! Well, I at least think I do. I can't help it if I feel so groggy when he's around!

"I only helped Edward with Maths! And even that turned out to be a hoax! So go complain to him, not me!"

The bell announced a start of the next lesson but no one was willing to abandon their half-eaten lunches. I mean, leave before the show was over.

Mike didn't look convinced but he did appear to be a bit calmer.

"So, Bella, basically what you're saying is you want to be alone."

Finally somebody understood! I nodded. Solitude was so underrated.

"Fine. Then you'll be alone," he crossed the arms on his chest and if looks could kill I would finally get to sleep in on school days.

The school officials should be ashamed of their reaction time in 21st century, when _Bella having a break down_ was already trending on Twitter.

The principal finally walked in and I don't think he realised he had ketchup on his shirt.

"Break it up, people, that's enough!" he exclaimed in a boring voice. Everyone moaned since pretty much everything is more fun than classes (haven't this people ever heard of fire alarm?) but we obeyed anyway.

Well, at least a majority of us.

Finally being single again although I was never really taken wasn't the only great feat of the day. There was another, a bit less desired accomplishment but I guess it was also overdue.

I skipped the rest of the classes. I didn't think the school nurse would let me go home only because my skin was temporarily red from embarrassment but since in the mind of a teenage girl that is a great disease, I just sent myself home.

I was tempted so many times before and I thought it must be great, being a renegade and doing something you are not supposed to. Giving the middle finger to school and being the one in the control of your day. I wish I could say I felt that immense, forbidden freedom as I walked down the streets but really, I just wanted to run back into the classroom, learn about people in Africa or even play some football.

I thought life was about to screw me over; beat me when I was already on the ground when a car stopped besides me. I was relieved to see it wasn't police car. It couldn't be Charlie. That saved me from a fatal heart attack.

The car window rolled down and I promised myself to never play truant again when I saw Alice Cullen's face.

"Hello, Bella," she said with a worried voice as I probably lost the little colour I had. Jasper, who was riding shotgun, gave me a mild smile and waved at me. "We were worried about you. Are you ok?"

Last time I checked, I had all me limbs and nothing had eaten nose off my face. So, I guess I was just peachy.

"Yeah, I'm fine, why wouldn't I be?" I shrugged. Oh, I was lying. There was something seriously wrong with my mind if I was voluntarily missing school! And of all people, the Cullens noticed! Should I be flattered or scared? Was this a sign of public's response to my very public breakdown?

"Well, at least let us drive you home. It looks like it'll rain soon."

We lived in Forks; how did she manage to forget? Every day without rain should be a national holiday here; did she really think I left home without umbrella?

If these were the 70s, Ted Bundy would surely pick me up. Apparently I don't have these big trust issues I usually take such great pride in; I just got into their car. I don't know why, really. I just … did? Maybe I was traumatised.

Really traumatised. Who knows what caused this outburst of PTSD. The aura in the car was so … pleasant. Like having a fireplace in your living room kind of pleasant. Just some hot chocolate and jingle bells were missing and I could be tricked into believing it was Christmas.

"So where's Edward these days?" I asked and although I knew how the barricades in me fell down, I did nothing about it.

"In Alaska," answered Jasper whose eyes appeared to be focusing really hard on something outside the windshield. "He went to see some relatives of ours."

"Cool. How come not all of you went?"

I noticed how they thought before answering. If I wasn't of below the average intelligence I would most likely figure out they were lying.

"We are not as close to them as he is," she shrugged. "Look, Bella, don't worry too much about Newton. He's a jerk."

"No!" I exclaimed. "He's not. He's a nice guy, actually … it is partly my fault, like he said … I mean, I did know how he felt and I never told him I didn't feel the same way …"

"That's not teasing," dismissed me Alice, "everyone could see you weren't interested. Mike just chose to ignore it."

Was I talking about boys with Alice Cullen? I didn't speak about this stuff with my own mother; maybe my diary if I felt really drowsily. There must have been something in the warming system of their car. It wasn't the fireplace I began yearning for; it had awoken my memories of Phoenix. Of this very dry place where you never have to carry an umbrella.

"When I got my heart broken, I promised myself I would never do it to anyone. Yet ... today I broke two …" thank god my house appeared in the distance. It probably saved me from crying my heart out once again. I can really be a princess of self-pitying when I get into that mood.

"Some hearts are meant to be broken, Bella …" said Alice as she stopped the car. Our looks met in the mirror and there was something about the words, the voice, the eyes I could not understand. It wasn't until years later that I realized what her words meant. She knew what I too should have seen – some things are just written in fate. No matter how cruel and unfair they are, you just have to learn how to accept it. After all, the night is very dark, cold, threatening when you glance at it through your bedroom window. Yet when you get out, when you feel it … there's beauty. There are stars and the air is just different, purer … day has so much, everything it might seem … but night, it has that spark, that extra little that you find yourself thinking about it when the sun embraces your skin.

And night, just like everything else, has its own finish line.

I just smiled and closed the door behind me. I walked up to the porch and the warmth was leaving my body. A cold breeze messed up my hair again. My hand too helped; after I realized just how much I opened my heart to Alice Cullen I gave myself a head slap Gibbs would be proud of.

* * *

To Be Continued.

Broughttoyouby:::winter.


	14. Chapter 14

Thanks everyone for reading, more to follow soon.

Enjoy,

Winter

* * *

**_Your heart, I'll carry it with me …_**

Bella Swan moves to Forks where she meets Edward Cullen. But this is not your typical Bella and this is not the story you know.

Twilight fanfiction; I own nothing.

* * *

**CHAPTER THIRTEEN**

Thank god Saturday was the day that followed. I don't believe I would dare to show my face around the school only 24 hours after that meltdown. I was like the hottest new restaurant in town; everyone wanted to a table. Soon, something else would surely relieve me of the attention and I would be struggling to make ends meet again.

Forks is such a close knit community; I should be honoured to be able to take part in it. Charlie was barely controlling laughter after he got home and I wonder how he found out. I wanted to Google myself to see if I was new viral star but sadly, the battery of my laptop died and as usual I had no idea where the recharger was.

On Monday morning I put on the darkest clothes I could find and I prayed the sun would have a bad day and stayed hidden. My meagre height might be lethal at basketball but as far as hiding in the crowd was concerned, I could come handy.

Of course, if I wasn't such an attention virgin, I would know I should bring earplugs with me so that I would not hear everyone talking about me. And I would make myself blind so that would not see them. Disguise might have been perfect but senses were still out in the open.

Lunch answered all my questions. If I searched for my newest position in school hierarchy on the internet, I would get page not found. I was non-existing – if I don't count the gossip. The table where I used to sit was full. Mike's eyes didn't search for me like they had done before. I was out of the elite club and I was back to eating in the bathroom. Ah, to hell with food it is overrated anyway. There are always smaller jeans in the shop.

I decided to spend the break in the Geography classroom. Maps are certainly very knowledgeable and interesting companions; they can show things to a girl that boys will never master.

On my way I relieved my wallet of the heavy coins and bought myself lemonade. My arm muscles got a bit of a warm up before the gym class since the vending drinks machine wasn't giving up without a fight. Apparently it too was Mike's fan.

Mike was being such a cry baby. I was surprised he didn't drag his mother to school to tell me off. Maybe I had hurt his feelings but turning everyone against me was a bit harsh and unnecessary. Looks like someone hates losing.

As I entered the classroom I went to my old desk and sat down next to Edward's chair. It was weird; whatever he did I just came back to him and it happened again and again and again. Either I was totally being a stupid girl and falling for a bad guy or … well, I couldn't think of any other explanation. I guess I could ask someone else to switch seats with me but … the way it ended the last time I kind of preferred not to.

I was slowly sipping the lemonade and stared into clock. I like being alone, actually. It makes life so much simpler! You don't have to explain yourself; highway is free for you to do whatever you want! If you want to stay up all night, you do it; if you feel like drinking yourself to sleep, you just crack the bottle; if you feel like wearing a very bright red lipstick that is supposedly not matching your skin tone, you can just draw hearts on your cheeks! There are no more compromises, no more suppressing yourself for the sake of others. You can just get crazy and L-I-V-E! Even if you cannot afford the rent on your own, you gotta keep on moving, coz life is like that – if a door closes, you have to open the window otherwise it gets to stuffy in the room.

I don't know what Edward's philosophy on life is but I guess he is not as attached to solitude as me. I almost choked when I saw him entering the classroom.

"Careful," he grinned as he slid into the chair beside mine. I had always been kind of clumsy but since I arrived in Forks, my accident rate had gone through the roof.

"How was Alaska?" I asked and pushed the bottle away from me. The last time I checked I wasn't suicidal while only talking.

Apparently it was cold there since his brain was frozen and unable to comprehend my question.

"Alice told me you went to see relatives," I explained and wondered how the extreme heat in Phoenix would impact his mental processes.

I successfully infected him with tendency to be self-destructive. He almost fell off his chair when I mentioned his sister.

"You spoke to Alice? Well, she certainly didn't mention that …"

"Yeah, she and Jasper drove me home on Friday … I guess you do know why?"

"I am not living under a rock, Bella. Everyone's talking about it."

"Yeah … even Charlie knew about the great break up and he wasn't even here."

"Was that what it was? A break up?" a mysterious spark appeared in his eyes. It was bright and piercing and I was once again staring into him for far too long.

"No … I don't think they have invented the proper word yet … you know how in Bridget Jones Cleaver and Darcy were fighting for her? Well, this was something like, only that Tyler and Mike began throwing punches around before even knowing what they were actually fighting for … it's kind of hard to explain. I never thought not dating three guys was more difficult than dating just one."

He leant closer to me and his magnificent smell invaded my body. I grabbed the bottle swiftly and took a sip, trying to get my mind off him. I really wished it was alcohol. Then I would have an excuse for feeling so drowsy.

"Three?"

"You wish there were just two?"

"Yes," he sighed with determination in his voice but his eyes were sad. It looked like I wasn't the only one trying to follow my mind while my heart was screaming something totally different.

"The thing with Maths … why did you trick me into helping you? You wanted me to hate you or something?"

"I did so at first but now … I don't really know which ending I would prefer … Bella ... it would be easier and safer for you if you hated me …"

As if I ever listened to other people. I was always happy to ignore my mother; there was no way in hell I would listen to Edward, no matter how tempting he was.

"If you are so concerned about my well-being, then why are you here?"

The bubble of honesty we were temporarily trapped in popped as others students walked in. I wasn't facing the door but from Edward's face it was obvious Mike was among them. What happened to the harmony and peace that surrounded us? Smug crept into Edward's eyes and if I had any brain, I would get up, run to the airport and board the first flight back to Phoenix. Just as I was done with Tyler and Mike, a new predator took their place.

"I wish I knew …" he finally whispered.

Whatever it was, it just felt good. Without any fanfares and confetti, it emerged out of nothing and took over, so selfishly, without me electing it. I finally felt like I was home again. The constant rain and chill moved aside and made place for heat I knew in Phoenix. It awoken a new kind of happiness, one I hadn't dared to feel in a long time.

Of course, it was only my mind trying to rationalize what had been evident to my heart for a while now.

* * *

To Be Continued.

Broughttoyouby:::winter.


	15. Chapter 15

Alright, everyone thanks for reading!

I'll take a few days off form this to figure some stuff out.

I'll be back soon.

Enjoy :)

love, Winter

* * *

**_Your heart, I'll carry it with me …_**

Bella Swan moves to Forks where she meets Edward Cullen. But this is not your typical Bella and this is not the story you know.

Twilight fanfiction; I own nothing.

* * *

**CHAPTER FOURTEEN**

I don't know what Edward was feeling but I felt the storm in our relationship pass. A long, extremely hot and dry summer arrived, one of those I adore.

He started appearing in my dreams again. It felt so real; when I woke up, I had to blink twice to realize I was only dreaming. I find myself looking forward to school. In corridors I kept looking around, as if there was something wrong with my neck. At lunch I sat with renegades who hated Mike for being the king of social happenings, they were really cool dudes, but still my eyes were escaping to the Cullens. My internal organs made a flip backwards every time our looks met. And after every Geography lesson … well, my facial muscles were exhausted from hiding a smile.

At home Charlie was the victim of my bliss; I felt so invincible I started experimenting with my cooking. His stomach, perfectly satisfied with normal every day food didn't appreciate the sudden invasion of foreign recipes and I noticed his trousers were spending time with belt again.

That afternoon he went fishing with some of his friends from work. I had the house all for myself and there's no better way to spend time recuperating after a torturous week than bubble bath.

In the local (super) market I bought their yearly supply of nice smelling candles. I lit them and put my favourite record on. I let out a deep sigh as I got in the tub. I could feel the stress exiting my body. My muscles were relaxing and I could have easily fallen asleep if I wanted to – but it would be a shame, missing this pleasure.

As I closed my eyes, my mind began to wander. New Vogue, pretty bag I had seen while window shopping. Tomorrow's lunch and Maths homework. There were billions of things I should be thinking about but somehow Edward's face occupied me.

His magical eyes that appeared to be chancing its color – it was probably his refusal to wear contacts every day but it was still enchanting.

His tempting smell; I remembered going shopping with mom once to buy a present for Phil's birthday. We went to the largest perfumery and everything smelled marvellously for the whole week yet – nothing could compare to the way Edward smelled. I wondered if it was because of the climate but no one else supported the theory.

His perfectly shaped lips. I imagined them playing symphony on my neck, something greater than anything Debussy could ever produce. And his white, whiter than anything skin … yeah, he was perfect. He was Ken, he was Adonis. He was something that could never be depicted. My mind surely liked what it saw and my mind was beating like crazy when this sugary feeling spread in my veins.

I don't really know what triggered the free fall from Edward's peak to his ultimate lows. Remember Aristotle's Eureka? Well, looks like there's something about baths and bubbles since I had an epiphany of my own. I guess water just has some magic substance that makes us see another perspective of things. It is a matter of life so I don't think I should be that surprised. Maybe overhydrating just enlightens our minds?

Edward was weird. Not like funny clothes, awkward behaviour type of weird. He was … different.

Very different.

He never ate. He was an idiot when it came to food. Every school lunch went into the garbage. He did pretend to eat but pretending won't consume the whole slice of pizza. Did he just dislike the cooking or was so ignorant of children all over the world starving?

There was the thing with coca cola when he came over to our house. How he poured it over the last plant standing in the Swan residence. Well, my efforts to have at least one source of oxygen in the house failed – I had had to throw the pot plant into trash.

His paleness was something I could relate to since I was only a bit better. But I was better enough to still look human. He on the other hand looked like a dead man walking. You would think his veins, terrifying blue lines would scream out of his transparent skin. No; there were none. As if the guy has no blood in his body! He was so cold. Those few moments when our skins were getting to know each other intimately, I felt like there was ice all over my fingers. It was winter but his touch felt colder than that.

Speaking of blood; I looked down and the cut on my finger was almost gone already. I actually had trouble finding it; at first my eyes were examining the wrong finger. The memory though was still very much alive. How at first he turned away, like anyone who can't stand blood would; but then, only a fraction of second later, he was by me. And his face, his eyes … I didn't see it, feel it that time since the panic prevailed but now … now the horror crept into me. Those eyes, that face … he looked like a hungry animal. Like a lion before he runs after an antelope. There was desire, an uncontrolled desire written all over him and he looked like he was about to attack. Of course, he tamed his instincts but something, there was something that dreaded me. His wish for me to hate him got an entirely new meaning.

Was this his great secret? Did he know what he was – a monster? Ariel Castro, Bundy, Ridgeway – was this what he was? But … there were times when we stood closer, before and after but he never ever looked at me like that. What was that differed that moment? That I had cut myself, that I had been bleeding? Was freak's favourite dessert a bloody cocktail? People do all kind of crazy so I could just dismiss it. I guess you really can't judge a house by its curtains and door mat.

I tried to believe it was just my vivid imagination fooling around but there was just so much more! The test, he insisted he hadn't stolen it and … I believed him. It might have been a coincidence, but the picture was just odd and this piece had to be a part of it! I believed he wasn't lying when he assured me he hadn't stolen the test. So … without breaking the law, how did he know? Was he … psychic? He had warned me about Mike but I wasn't listening. But then again, everyone but me could have seen Mike's intentions.

Psychics do exist. I watched numerous documentaries where they predicted the future and helped solve murders. Surely, many are in only for money but some … some are for real.

Yet somehow, I didn't believe Edward was just that no, it was just too many other things …

Something was off. With my luck it would come crashing directly into my head, whatever it was. Fear crept into me and it was swallowing me. I wish I had gone running instead but the damage was done.

So I did the only thing I could of. No, I didn't phone 911 since it would most likely take me to psycho ward with schizophrenia written on my chart. I do know that NSA tracks our internet activity but I wrapped a towel around my body and ran to get my laptop. Internet connection was being a pain again although it started working surprisingly well after I threatened it to bath it in bubbles. Who said threats are bad? I got what I wanted!

Well … wanting something is relative.

I stopped believing in vampires when I was about 6 and saw my favourite actor, a perfectly normal human being, playing a vampire. Around the same time I also realized that you can buy fangs in any given shop if you only choose the right time of year.

Yet … Google, the good uncle I always use for homework, now wanted me to believe that Edward was just that – a vampire!

Was I wrong all these years?! Were Google's search mechanisms actually useless? I mean, that is like way more believable that having a vampire sitting next to you in school!

Or was it just a coincidence? Was there some other, perfectly logical explanation behind this all? Was it some disease or something that made Edward different?

I remembered hearing that Mr and Mrs Cullen adopted their children. Had they adopted kid that had this weird disease that made them look like vampires? Dr Cullen too was remarkably pale – maybe he had it too.

I am as good with browsing Internet as I am with shopping but I could not find a disease that would fit.

The theory was insane. I was insane; I definitely knew enough about Edward, his skin tone and his eye color changes that I could easily be considered a stalker. Of course he wasn't a vampire; they didn't exist, just like Santa and fairies and dwarfs! Those were legends! Should I expect to be attacked by werewolf any day now?

Too much television can seriously mess up one's mind. I should totally stop watching OUAT on regular basis; I was obviously losing contact with reality! Tomorrow morning I would be Snow White since I am pale enough already! And Edward, he would be Prince Charming, tanned Prince Charming!

Since I was clearly getting crazy and it was only a matter of time before I would be forced to take anti-psychotic pills, I had a rehearsal later that evening. I took some medication that battles away the cold and went to bed. Since there were no evil invaders in my body I hoped the chemicals would find and kill the insanity in me.

* * *

To Be Continued.

Broughttoyouby:::winter.


	16. Chapter 16

Thanks for reading; please review.

More soon, enjoy.

Much love, w.

* * *

**_Your heart, I'll carry it with me …_**

Bella Swan moves to Forks where she meets Edward Cullen. But this is not your typical Bella and this is not the story you know.

Twilight fanfiction; I own nothing.

* * *

**CHAPTER FIFTEEN**

I could probably pour the coughing medicine into my veins but it would not help. The more I wanted to confront Edward with my suspicion, the crazier I felt. How do you walk up to someone and ask them if they are a vampire? If I filmed it and uploaded it online, it surely would be a hit – unless I got sent to psycho ward first, of course.

The funny thing was, as I watched Edward not only that I felt like a crazy stalker; I realized that his indeed fit the profile. Appearance-speaking, at least, I had no idea what he did in his past time. I had heard the Cullens were living in woods – did they have a castle? Like Dracula kind of castle where they lured people and drank their blood at midnight? I don't really know if their diet requires daily input of calories but I doubted the average amount of blood in one person's body would satisfy the whole family – Emmett surely looked like he could use a double portion.

If they indeed needed people's blood, they must be picking transients. I am the sheriff's daughter and I hadn't heard of any missing Forks residents. Then again, I have always said saying it is not really that hard to be a serial killer nowadays, despite AFIS and DNA databases. You just gotta pick the right victims, that's all; the ones that would not be missed.

I could not believe I found myself thinking of hookers and truck drivers in the middle of lunch. The food in school cafeteria isn't worth Michelin stars so any gruesome images in my head ain't helping the appetite.

It makes you think. We live in technological era and we feel like we know everything about our classmate just because we are their friend on Facebook. In reality … all we know is a social mask we all put on in order to get likes. Once the computer turns off … some of us turn into crazy cat-lacking ladies that fantasize about their crush being a vampire.

As I went to return my tray, he sneaked upon me. As he whispered his name in my ear in that smooth, seducing voice that made my wanna pull his face closer and kiss it till the end of days, I flinched. Thank god I wasn't having pasta with tomato sauce; the whole cafeteria would probably look like a messy blood scene. No pun intended.

"Did I scare you?" he said and his eyes immediately became careful. I guess he didn't want me to crack my head and bleed to death before he could dig his fangs into my neck.

"No, no, I just didn't hear you coming," I tried to smile but the thought of me slowly roasting above the camp fire was sending creeps down my spine. Completely unnecessary, of course, since the vampires are only interested in blood.

"Well … you can sit with me at lunch, you know. My family won't mind," he grinned. Did they want to see, smell me up close, to figure out which spices would match perfectly and bring out the full taste of my flesh? If I had an aneurysm, this would be the perfect time for it to burst.

I shook my head to get the blood flowing through my brain and make it functional again.

"Is that a no?" he asked.

"No … I mean ..." Maybe my body was subconsciously trying to send a message? I don't want to be eaten alive. I don't want to be eaten alive. I wanna live. "Maybe, some other time …"

"Tomorrow?"

I thought of my bucket list. Cuddle a panda, go to New Zealand, get married at Tirohana, buy a carpet in Morocco, see aurora, swim with dolphins, spend a fortune at Monaco casino. How many of these things can I do in 24 hours?

"Maybe," I mumbled.

"Bella, are you ok? You seem a bit weird today."

"Oh, yeah, I just slept terribly," I shrugged. I don't think poisoning from bubble baths is actually a renowned illness. Of course, as a girl I always have completely satisfactory excuse but for my state of mind it was a bit too … well, bloody.

"I can relate," he smiled. His smile was so warm, so pleasant and I felt guilty for thinking he was out to kill me. Why can't I be like any other girl and just drown myself in worshipping him? Why do I have to keep on searching for reasons not to like him?

"Well, see you at Geography, ok?" I quickly said, grabbed my bag and ran out of the cafeteria. As I passed the fire alarm, I thought of pushing the button. Sprinklers would turn on, fire department would come and surely school would be cancelled for the day. And I wouldn't have to face Edward again, at least for today.

I wished I wasn't such a coward.

When the bell announcing the start of Geography rang, I was sitting next to Edward. I took a sudden interest in the map of Africa, although I was sitting too far away to actually be able to read anything on it. But the colors looked pretty. And any distraction was welcomed.

His eyes were glued on me and I don't think it was because of the bruise on my chin. I also doubt it was my new perfume that caught his intention, although I had used it in desperate attempt to get Edward's mind off my blood. Yep, I was officially crazy.

"Are you sure you're ok, Bella?" he asked once again and I felt the embarrassing shade of red flooding all over my face. "Have I done something? You seem to be looking at me kind of funnily today."

"Oh, yeah, it's just allergy irritating my eyes …"

Now he was the one looking at me funny.

"I don't think anything has started to bloom yet," he said and I could tell from his voice that he knew that I know. Not that I am completely sure of what I know but he knew something was in the air. And I don't mean allergens.

Who was I kidding? Yeah, Edward could be a complete jerk at times but who wasn't every once in a while? Not long ago, I myself was a bitch; so indecisive, so lost and confused. I didn't know what came over me – as if wires connecting my brain and my mouth weren't properly attached and were unable me from saying what I actually thought – one big fat no to all the suitors around me. Looking back it felt like a veil was pressing my brain membrane and allowing only stupidity to come out.

Despite his occasional outbursts, Edward was still remarkably perfect. Surely, the school could be his Facebook and maybe he really was involved in weird blood orgies as the night time came but … we all have quirks we want to take to our graves, don't we?

Just because we're not learning about them in school it does not mean the vampire don't exist. People once believed the sun was circling around the Earth and now we laugh at it. At the same time inquisitions were burning the witches – women who did not fit the strict code of what every woman should have been. No matter which century, every idea that does not match with what the majority thinks, is labelled as insanity but who has ever proven that the majority is always right? Crowds are wrong, so many times; afraid of being called a moron we start believing and obeying what the strongest of us says. Only a few dare to object and they indeed are treated as morons.

There is no law that could prevent us from thinking freely and there's no proof that the vampires don't exist. I wonder what people's reaction would be like if they found out about their existence – I bet armies of the world would be send to destroy the creatures. People would be in blind panic, afraid for their lives. Surely vampires, if they have any intelligence would not tweet about being what they are – no one wants to get killed after all.

If it is not on news or in our textbooks, it does not mean it's not there.

So why would vampires not exist?

And why would Edward not be one?

If the legends say vampires kill and drink blood, what makes it a fact that they really do that? There are many so called truths that are actually lies. Why would not this be one? Maybe they just have many food allergies. If in a human society there are individuals that kill, why wouldn't there be vampires that don't kill? Edward, as far as I knew him, was more of a gentleman that any of the guys I had the misfortune to date. Why would I think the worst, if I don't have any proof whatsoever that it's the truth? Why do I keep seeing the glass as half empty if it could be half full? Why don't I for a change see the world in a bright light, let happiness and optimism to prevail and believe?

I'll believe. I won't let myself get caught in prejudice; I'll make my own judgements and I'll decide how to see things. I am done watching the life go by me with someone else's eyes. I've got a pair of my own and it works just perfectly; I cannot be free if I keep believing what others say and I cannot be free if I live in fear.

I'll let go. I'll free myself. I won't care. I'll dismiss the outside and care about what's in. Just because we are bound to die, it does not mean life is not beautiful.

So I asked him. Very discreetly of course since too much optimism can hurt; you can't really expect to survive a free fall from a plane or that the sharks won't be interested in you if you swim among them unprotected.

"Actually …" I finally turned to him and I realized I wasn't lying about something irritating my eyes. His beauty was definitely making my eyes water since I didn't want to blink, scared of missing a single moment of this perfecting next to me. "It's funny, really … I had this dream last night … and you were … a vampire."

Well, I said it. I did try to, you know, say it with a funny tone, lightly but his face … its angelic features faded and turned into rage. In a second his eyes became black again and I felt the creeps going down my spine, urging me to run away. I struggled to sit still now that was sure of it. I kept telling myself that he would not hurt me but I was still scared.

Without asking for permission he got up, grabbed his books and left the classroom. The professor stopped talking and looked around the class.

"Anyone knows what bothers Mr Cullen today?" he asked.

I stared through the window. I pretended not to hear. I dismissed everyone looking at me.

I knew. I knew what bothered him and I knew what he was.

Edward Cullen, the boy I was so indiscreetly falling in love with, was a vampire.

* * *

To Be Continued.

Broughttoyouby:::winter.


	17. Chapter 17

Really fat chapter this time, I hope you like it! :)

Please review.

* * *

**_Your heart, I'll carry it with me …_**

Bella Swan moves to Forks where she meets Edward Cullen. But this is not your typical Bella and this is not the story you know.

Twilight fanfiction; I own nothing.

* * *

**CHAPTER SIXTEEN**

I called a cab; I was superly overreacting since I don't think Edward or any of his siblings would dare to attack me in daylight but you can never really be too sure.

After returning home the fridge expedition found some garlic. I don't know which subspecies of vampires the Cullens are but at least you can't blame me for trying. After sitting on the counter, staring at this wannabe nuclear weapon in front of me, I just felt so silly that Charlie got a garlic soup for dinner. Just because I knew his secret, Edward didn't have to kill me; ain't like I was about to tell anyone. The odds of me attending normal high school after that were not in my favour.

I really tried to act normal but when you know there's someone who most likely wishes you were dead fear kind of takes over you mind. And since Charlie's a sheriff, it didn't take him long to notice.

"Ok, Bella, you don't care about what?" he finally said. I guess it tells a lot about our non-existing dinner conversations; since we're usually quiet it startled me.

"What?" I mumbled and tried really hard to maintain the control of the spoon in my hand.

"You've been repeating the phrase 'I don't care' for the whole evening. You don't care about what?" he said in a voice that indicated he thought I was a dummy.

Well, I had been trying to convince myself that I didn't care of Edward was a vampire – at least until he knocked on door and sucked the blood out of me – but I had no idea I was doing it out loud.

"Oh … oh …" How do you tell a parent that they failed at their basic mission, that is protect their kid from danger? Despite having 17 candles on my latest birthday cake, I was still an immature child, always running towards the danger. And I'm not talking about drugs and bad boys. The idea of having a cop for a father should comfort me. No one would dare to hurt me, knowing there were legal guns in the house. But I don't think one bullet could stop a vampire. Maybe if it was filled with garlic instead of gun powder but I don't think they make those.

"Mom called… earlier. She and Phil are repainting the house … in green … and I don't like green." I used to love it but since in came to Forks where EVERYTHING (vampires are the notable exceptions) is green, I find myself preferring yellow. Or black. Or anything else. "But then again, I'm not living there anymore and if green makes her happy …"

"Aha," he still stared at me and it looked like he forgot about the soup, sadly not because I would be a bad cook. "I always thought Renee loved yellow."

Oh she did; it was just me who was a terrible liar. I just shrugged and luckily, either my lying skills improved in this town of weather extremes or Charlie just didn't care, he started eating again. Not that I would want to make his obese or anything but talking was the last thing I wanted tonight.

"Either way, Bella, I'm going out tonight. Billy Black invited me to watch the game over at his place."

Thank god he keeps a spare gun in his night stand. I checked, just in case. Though given my nature, I would likely end up shooting myself.

Charlie was gone for less than five minutes when he came.

I was in the middle of doing the dishes and once again my hands were covered with bubbles. The distress I was in sent a tsunami all over the kitchen floor and my evening was just the perfect way to go.

I didn't hear him come in. I would probably continue to pathetically stand there till field of Forks would be poisoned with detergent. And the nurse at the last medical check-up said my hearing was good!

I turned around to grab the cloth I had so conveniently left on the counter when I saw Edward standing at the door. He was staring at me with his hands in his pockets and blank eyes.

I screamed. Whether it was because I realized the doorbell wasn't working or that my apocalypse had arrived, I don't know. I staggered back though I was already so close to the sink. A part of me wanted to be sucked into the drain and disappear into the sewers, dying of methane overdose instead of the two holes in my neck.

I felt my shirt getting soaked in water and if those bubbles really were magical, Edward would turn into Charlie and I was simply paranoid.

"I'm sorry I scared you …" he said in that voice and the words were once again spoken in this weird tone, with this weird, out-of-the century accent. It never really occurred to me before – just how old was this guy? Did he fight in WW2? In civil war? Was he a Yankee or did he fight for the south?

I could not believe I was thinking about Edward's age when I should be concerned about getting to the knives. That one step to the right might have looked easy but under stress I sometimes have trouble separating right from left.

Jesus. I always fall off the bleachers; I didn't seriously think I could kill a vampire? I don't think they can even be killed!

Besides, hadn't I decided that I did not care if he was this supernatural creature? I had made a promise to myself not to be scared yet now I was that deer in the headlights.

I cleared my throat.

"No … no!" I tried to laugh but it was as fake as those Gucci bags for ten bucks. "I just didn't hear you come in … how did you know I keep the spare key in the bird house? I thought that was pretty ingenious."

"I don't need a key."

"Then … how did you get in?"

He didn't break down the door, I was quite sure of that. I wasn't so hearingly challenged.

"I think you know." He stepped closer to me and instinctively leant back. It was unintentionally; like feeling your stomach turn upside down when you see someone eating a bug. I'm not Bear Grylls no matter how much I enjoy watching him.

"You are afraid of me," he said and sounded … sad. I felt compassion for a vampire. Was as free-minded as it gets.

"No! I'm not ... it's just ... I am not really used to talking to a vampire … I don't think we had any in Phoenix and I'm not really a people person … so it's just me and … me …"

I realized my shirt was wet and since I am prone to getting a cold I really felt like I was too much of a daredevil for one day.

"If you walk through the door … will you please stay here if I run to the bathroom real quick?"

He nodded woefully and all I wanted to do was to take his face in my hands and console him although I didn't know if this was mine fault. Since we were after all in my house it surely felt so.

Surprisingly I didn't trip while running upstairs. I guess I was more in control than I thought. I closed the door and leant on it. It was such a déjà vu moment; last time I made such a big fuss of a boy in my house and hid in the bathroom, it ended up in my becoming a woman. I liked to think I matured emotionally since then but I was still acting disastrously. Especially when I started opening all the cabinets to see if there was anything useful in them, like a razor blade. Next time I watch a movie, not necessarily a movie about vampires, I should really pay attention to more than just the hot actor.

I splashed cold water in my face and since I didn't get the heat stroke I had to get down in the kitchen again. Edward was now sitting down, facing me. I sat down too, and as silence lay between us my fear faded.

"So you're a vampire, huh?" I said.

"Yes, I am, Bella. But please, don't be afraid of me," he quickly added.

"I am not afraid of you." My feminist heart cried as I said those words. I was so smitten I didn't even care if he could potentially kill me! I guess that's just called having faith.

"You should be."

"Yeah … and I can have an aneurysm and it can burst tomorrow. Or some crazy dude can walk into our school and starts shooting ... or a plane can crash onto me …"

"What are you saying?"

"I can die every day."

"I'd rather kill myself than hurt you, Bella … Besides, I, my family, we don't kill humans. We feed with the blood of animals. We consider ourselves to be vegetarians."

Renee had a point about me being a danger to any potential pet.

"Is it enough for you?"

"I didn't think we'd be discussing my diet so early on," he smirked.

"Then what did you think we'd talk about?"

"Me trying to convince you I don't want to hurt you … you threatening to call the police … asking if we are not just fictional …"

"Since we both know you aren't, don't you think it is a waste of time?"

"Since you're asking ... it is difficult but it's our decision. We don't want to be monsters. Of course, it is harder to resist around some people …"

"You can just say it – me."

"You, Bella … you are like no one I had ever met before."

"I wish I knew … it's not just your blood; everything about you, you're different ..."

I'm different and he's a vampire. We had something in common. Does that make us soulmates?

"Different …. How?"

"As vampires, we have special powers … for instance, we can run extremely fast and we're incredibly strong … that's why I don't need I key. Each of us has individual powers that distinct us. You … are resistible to mine."

The world of vampires is surprisingly similar to ours, actually. If someone is a black sheep, different from everyone, they are immediately marked as … well, different. Just that Edward made the word sound so … good …

And, well, when it comes to humans, the different ones are usually hidden in basements or locked in mental institution. Being especially enchanting is a rare, rare thing. I guess we could learn a lesson or two from vampires! After getting over their existence, of course

"And that is?"

"I can read … minds."

There's always light even when you're down. There's always a promise of a spring in the coldest winter. There's always silver lining, we just have to want to see it. Edward Cullen could not see, hear, read, whatever verb he'd use, what I was thinking about him. All the nasty words my mind had thrown towards him … he would never know.

Thank god. Otherwise this would be the quickest break up in history. If two can break up before ever officially getting together in real life, outside of daydreaming.

And of course, those three words explained so much.

"Oh god. That's how you knew about the pop quiz!"

"Professor was writing it in his mind the day before … and now you can see why I could not tell you."

Good think he didn't see how I had just dumped a bowl of crap onto my head in my mind. I would deserve two.

"And … that's how I knew Mike wasn't inviting you to a dance for fun. He wanted to … date you."

Judging from Edward's expression Mike wanted much more than just date me but then again, which teenage boy wouldn't?

"It must be so cool to be you! You can just learn whatever questions will be on the test."

"It's cheating, Bella."

"Only if they can prove it. So … that's why you were such a jerk on the day we met?"

"I am not too proud of myself but … a girl whose mind is completely blank to me just walked in. I guess I was entitled to be slightly impaired."

"I would have thought she was just dumb."

"And then there was the smell … so delicious, so tempting … like nothing before. I could feel my body giving in … it was so hard to be in control … my body wanted, desired you so much … then you sat next to me and you were so close … I thought about billions of excuses to get you out of the classroom…"

"Believe me, I wouldn't go."

"I can be very persuasive."

"That day you were just a jerk."

"I wish you still thought of me that way."

"I know you won't hurt me, Edward. Remember what happened, right in here?"

"You cut myself," he said and I know it sound very self-destructive but it was good to know it was not just be whose body ached when I thought of that evening. Maybe my aching finger was really nothing comparing to the torture Edward had gone through but … still.

"And yet I'm here. I was bleeding in front of you and yet you let me live. I am more important to you alive than dead."

"Is it that obvious? I am sorry about that maths thing but it was the only thing I could think of … I was so … fascinated, so confused … you came and you turned my world upside down, everything I had known … you made me question everything, me, mostly. I just had to get to know you but I knew you hated me … or at least strongly disliked you…"

"Hated," I automatically corrected him.

"I thought getting close to you would somehow make me see though you, make me understand … Rosalie helped me mix up the schedules so that we'd be in the same class … that I faked that F … you have no idea how hard it is to pretend that you don't know something … but it worked. I got you as my tutor … the more time I spent with you … the weirder I felt … my … hunger faded and … a new kind of feeling, one I had never felt before stepped in … the thought of me hurting you sickened me. I needed to be around you and it felt so wrong when I wasn't … instead of understanding you, you confused me even more. You made me fall in love with you."

I pretended I didn't hear what he said. Surely it felt good to hear the L word but I didn't want Edward to know I was willing to throw my feminism into the garbage can for him.

"So you said each of you has specific powers … what are they?" I quickly said. I think he figured it out; there was that humorous spark in his eyes.

"It might … upset you a bit …"

I wondered what was worse than willingly being in the same room as a vampire.

"Carlisle is compassionate … Emmett is super strong … Rosalie is extremely persistent … Esme, my mother, passionately loves … Alice … sees the future. And Jasper … he can manipulate with people's emotions."

He carefully looked at me as if he was expecting the Mount St. Helens eruption. Since I was pretty sure there was no lava in me, it kind of threw me off.

Until I realized Jasper's talent could explain so much!

"He didn't use it with me, did he?"

"I'm afraid he did."

I remembered being so incredibly confused. How my emotions were changing … well, pretty much every hour. One moment I considered Mike to be a great friend, the next I was admiring his quite nicely shaped body. I tried to shake off Tyler yet I could not resist inviting him over. I didn't want any of them but sometimes … I acted like I did. I knew what I was doing was wrong yet somehow … I just could not stop.

"Yeah …" Edward nodded, "Jasper was partly responsible for the whole mess with Mike and Tyler…"

"And what made me his favourite past time activity?"

"I did … like I said, Alice can see the future … but future can change swiftly … only one different decision and the outcome changes … she saw you getting together with Mike. Knowing … how I felt about you, my family decided to step in. Jasper tried to manipulate your feelings but somehow everything ended in a mess … in his mind you were supposed to start liking me and disliking Mike and Tyler. However, somehow I was usually the target of your bitterness and you were painfully fond of them sometimes."

"So when I thought I was the bitch, Jasper was actually the one being the bitch?" it was such a relief, knowing I was out of my mind. Of course, this invasion of my privacy would deserve some retaliation but since Jasper's a vampire, I don't think I'm really in a position to threaten him with physical violence.

In hindsight, I realized I should have known Jasper was messing with my mind. That time when he and Alice drove me home; how my feelings changed in a blink of a second, how relaxed and calm I felt but it all faded once I was alone.

Edward just smiled.

"Carlisle has a theory as to why Jasper was unsuccessful; he thinks your feelings were too strong for Jasper to change them."

Well, that was certainly not a compliment for me. I was once again having my cheeks turned red. I wish it was just the effect of wearing a red shirt.

"And as far as my siblings are concerned ... I am afraid there's more. Remember that backboard almost hitting you?"

Was he asking me if I remembered standing on the death door? Was he joking or seriously thinking I had a memory of a gold fish? I don't know about the vampires, but normal human beings don't face death on every day occasions.

Did I even want to know?

"Emmett and Rosalie messed it up the day before."

"Did they want to kill me?"

"No … somehow my dear siblings thought it would be somehow exceptionally helpful if I was the one to pull you away. Sadly, they blocked this thought in their minds until it was almost too late. If I had known what they were planning … I would have never let you in harm's way like that."

"Ok … so why was then Mike the one who saved me?"

"Like I said … I didn't realize what they were up to until it was almost too late. Instead of me running to you, saving you and becoming your hero, Mike took the throne."

"That's why you appeared in the gym so suddenly."

"Yes."

I guess I would find it funny if it wasn't me who almost got turned into a tomato sauce.

"So, Edward … Whatever I am feeling, it's all because of Jasper?"

"No, not anymore. I threatened him to stop after you almost got hurt. And … he could only manipulate your emotions while he was close to you. Like … in school. Whatever you felt here, those emotions are purely yours."

I should probably ask him what kind of threats vampires use but … if Jasper wasn't controlling my emotions when Edward and I were alone … then I guess I too was in love.

I should have been sad for breaking the legislation I had written for myself before coming here but … some things are just above the law, they are simply universal. This codex cannot be captured in words and it is so unfathomable it's just pointless fighting it.

"You look like you have a lot to think about so I'll…" he said and got up.

"No, no, stay!" I quickly got up too.

"I can't … Charlie will be home in a few minutes and since I don't think he knows about me…"

I looked at the clock. Yeah, I am not a sports fanatic and I have no idea how long games are supposed to take but it did seem remarkably early. Especially since Charlie usually stayed for some fish and beer.

"He's concerned about you …"

Completely unnecessarily since now I knew all my recent accidents were caused by vampires.

Before I could oppose since I do live in a democratic family, he was standing so close to me I could feel his breath on my skin. Fate must be finding his so incredibly funny; he with his incredible speed and athleticism and I, so slow and ungraceful. I read somewhere there's a one in two million chance of dying while falling of bed and I would not be surprised if it would happen to me.

He leant towards me and our lips were so close there was no school approved ruler that could measure the distance between us. I don't know what he was waiting for, for his considerate siblings to step in and cause another detour in our … love story but since I was independent woman, I decided to take matters in my own hands. After all, you can't and shouldn't be too careful. The world is right besides us, with its joys and sorrows and it won't come any closer. We just have to reach out for it and take it. Just … take it.

Before it disappears like it happened to me. A blink of an eye and Edward was gone.

Apparently I am mentally instable and inn need of constant supervision since in the same moment I heard Charlie's car in the drive way.

* * *

To Be Continued.

Broughttoyouby:::winter.


End file.
